There is no crack in the picture for me today and probably for a few days into the future as well.
Today is dedicated to cleaning my rat hole apartment, washing some clothes, doing some other needed chores and sitting outside with neighbors. We'll watch the motorcycles roaring by and the people making their way to the Roar on the Shore festival at Perry Square.
I've also been given food for thought in regards to my attitude and opinions regarding my addiction. In some respects, those ideas have frustrated me. In a perfect world, with a perfectly functioning mind and an undamaged moral compass, smoking anymore crack would and should be unthinkable.
I am not trying to rationalize future use, but part of me thinks, as a commenter mentioned, I'm fucked. Another part of me has made me make note of the fact that through some manipulation of my resources, progress has been made in ways I never would have imagined before. These are things that have happened by my design to limit the amount that the "Beast" can consume and control my life.
This has, to their credit, been accomplished with the help of people who for some reason still care for me on some level. For that I am thankful. No amount of words could even come close to expressing the gratitude I feel for their help and for their apparent lack of judgemental ism in my actions, whether positive or negative.
I'm not looking for cheerleaders.
So I have things to do to keep a normal appearance for this crackhead.
I also have "him" talking to me, so to spread the cheer I'm going to go have a chat with my neighbor Don. He's the one with his jaw wired shut. His diet currently has to be ingested through a straw. Instant breakfast, Ensure and other such sources of liquid nourishment.
So to spread that cheer, I think I'm gonna' talk about food. Solid food like steaks, chops and wonderfully seasoned seafood. Food described in such exquisite detail as to make my own stomach juices flow.
Hey, Don! I have found a great recipe for steamed shrimp!
I'm certain there is a special room in hell for me...