Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It's money day.

Not officially but in fact the cash does flow into my account in about 2 hours.

I have to get very busy now, as there is housework that must be completed. The list of bills to be paid must be completed as well. I will not step outside of this house until that is complete and money orders are bought and filled out. I don't want to be cashing those in before they get stuffed safely away in the mailbox.

Even now as I sit here tapping on the keyboard, my mind is racing. You have to do this and that, and Oh yeah, this needs to be done as well. All these, unspecified chores, errands and obligations need to be completed before I can even think about calling the Dude.

The fact is though, I'm thinking about when I can make that call.

To those of you who think this whole thing is fucked up, in many respects I agree. It's just that it's even more so from my perspective. It's scary, frightening, exciting and gut wrenching all at one time. Just Say No doesn't cut it at all either. This is not a 30 minute thing. It hangs in there for hours, and indeed at times it's digging away inside of me for days.

Wish me luck and I'll report back when I get to the other side of this. Erie Crackhead (Cracker) will probably still be lurking on FB, he will probably even post to some support email lists he belongs to as well. So, it's not as though I'll entirely disappear from sight.

It's just that I won't be all there either.


  1. ... and come out on the other side a little less of the one and a little more of the other part of you.
    Good luck!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Erie!! Day 3 and 4 of treatment (BPD) and were doing 1000mg of Depakote no real side effects nor effects either. story time: i pu 3 checks from work cause i've been PHP'd (partially hospitalized)-for some weird reason here i sit. Typing to you. clean AND SOBER. I have a few cents over 1,000 dollars and you and me we are the same we know when it comes to the cheese, right..we know we're crackheads. WTF? this is ALMOST AS bad as tweaking!! AND here's the real kicker, i got fired from my 60k/yr job today, first thing this morning when i pu'd the checks.

    I knew when i decided (and everyone i "know" at work) that it was a 50/50 chance of me returning because of the mean right wingnut mgmt( they cited me insubordinate--i am the only person in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD - who can get fired on the fourth day of vacation for insubordination, right?) This is acompany whom i've seen fire/layoff a pregnant woman, they fired me even though they knew i was in hospital working through physical issues (brain chemistry/meds adjustment) for goodness sake, they fired a friend of mine 3 years ago with HIV (he was so good at art and we think it was because of health insurance $$ ) but they keep people who sit and talk and not do half as much as well folks like me and him...oh well i say any place which is so classless as to fire someone while they are getting healthy AND partially hospitalized will and are gettng what they deserve-they will miss me more in the short term more than i will EVER miss them. For me i feel very little anger just shock and awe at the string of absolutely laughably moronic decision one company is capable of. We call or infotech department the sh of IT. My smile comes from me knowing the fired me without due cause and in fact i left the place better by far than how i found it-cleaner too.

    But here's why i tell you ...i had the thousand dollars this MORNING too?!?!?! what is going on with me dear erie? what? not usig has become almmost as disturbing as using...but it is cheaper.


  4. Having cash in reserve for emergencies and other needs that pop up is almost unheard of for active crack heads. Good going in that regard, but you've gotta' get back in the job market and keep the cash flowing in. You got responsibilities, you know...

    Good for you on the treatment, stay that course to keep things going in the right direction.


This blog is now reopened to comments.