Monday, August 9, 2010

A little disappointed in myself

Why? Oh why?

Well with the best of intentions I had planned to go to the Erie Art Museum's Blues and Jazz Fest. It didn't happen and the only one to blame is me. I could have gotten a ride from a friend who had even offered to take me. But it was early and I didn't want to spend the whole day at the park.

Besides, the better groups were going to be playing later in the day.

The way a crackhead's mind works is even a mystery to me at times. But this much is clear. I had money in my pocket. I did have enough money to pay off Don, my vodka swilling neighbor. So I did pay him, as he was in a position of needing the cash right when it showed up.

I did have enough money to go to the fest and buy a T-shirt, which I thought were cool this year. I also had enough money to buy some food from the vendors and have something to drink as well. I even had enough money to have taken a cab home after everything was all said and done.

As usual though the money went to the Crack Man.

I didn't even sip Don's rot gut to get the ball rolling. It's as though an automatic reaction to having cash on hand is to call the Dude. Not a good thing to be certain, but it's a characteristic of mine that really needs work.

To add insult to this all, the twenty I paid back to Don was re-borrowed yesterday.

One other thing. This is a biggy to boot. The dryer in my building isn't working.

Now I have a machine full of wet clothes, and that mean I'm going to have to turn my boxers inside out yet again.

Well, they're not sticky yet.


  1. What, only a little disappointed? Some of us are paying attention, and if the blog entries are not out and out lies, you made it five days without setting your good intentions on fire. Well done, I say. I never made more than 24 hours in my days.
    By the way, laundry dries very well when hung up on hangers around the apartment. But feel free to forget the common sense stuff while you are still wallowing in regret.

  2. As to the first part, if I lied, I lied only to myself. Frankly I could give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks. Work on that.

    I do admit to a hesitancy in writing lately because most followers know what's up and I don't want to look at it too closely.

    But here I am and so...

    So far as your last comment.

    Eat me.

  3. Yeah, dream on.

  4. Hey Cracker, I'm not sure how to feel at this point, but I am sure that sharing life is important on many levels. In April of 1999 I was told that the horrible pain I had been going through was due to Rheumatoid Arthritis. Hey no sweat treat the stuff, and I'll be fine. I was in a lot of pain so when they wanted to use the big guns, I was all for it. It wasn't long and I was dealing with liver failure. The liver doctor said it would be neat to see me if I made it to my next birthday. I did chemo for several years, and changed most of my habits. I stopped all meds last January. I deal with more pain than before, but a little bud does a lot less harm than the Pharmacopoeia that I was doing under the care of the AMA drug cartel. What is the point of all of this you ask? (maybe you didn't ask) It is our choice to live or die. There will always be an alternative freely offered, but it is our choosing that makes our quality of life. We can be subject to another. or free to choose our own way. Is it to be simply the nature of the drug, or more so the nature of the man. May the world be kind to you always

  5. Anonymous said...

    "May the world be kind to you always"

    Thank you for your a bit of your story, kind words and wisdom. I guess the world will be as kind to me as I let it be.

    I know the hell or purgatory that is my life is of my own making. Self control in some things is astonishing, while other areas suffers mightily. Sacrifices made here are used to make payments in other places.

    I'm not trying to paint a bleak picture, but it has been much worse. I also know it can be much better. Better is better and that is being strived for daily.

    There are some who might question why I bother with this blog, or even writing about what is going on. But it does serve as a record of sorts to what I have and am going through.

    If someone else benefits, great. But I'm writing this for me publicly and leaving it open to comments. Some of which have been helpful. Others not so helpful.

    And that is the way of the world.


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