Tuesday, June 28, 2011

How can you tell when a Crackhead is lying?

That's simple. Their lips are moving.

And sadly, I did not follow my own #1 rule. Never trust a crack smoker, a dealer or anyone who has anything to do with that shit. Funny thing is that for some reason beyond me, I did exactly that and trust a smoker. Trusted them with my ATM card and PIN number.

How fucking dumb can one get.

Oh, wait. When you want another hit, common sense flies right through the window. Just plain fuckin' flits away without another thought. That's the way that shit works. Gimme' a hit, gimme' a hit, gimme' a hit.

And what did I get.?

Robbed for $260.00 and a bank account seriously overdrawn. A bad day that wasn't anything particularly new to me, but part of me thought I had a lot of that foolishness behind me.

How dumb can one get. When you're hitting that pipe, you never know what the hell is gojng to happen. The results, even in the best of consequences are not all that rosy.

The thing is that in this particular incident, shit will be flowing both ways. It's funny, but at one time I would have felt bad about this. Not anymore, not this time and not this one.

Fuck 'em.

People suck. And back to being the hermit existence that I was so happy with before. People tend to use you for what you have. When you don't have anything or aren't in a position to share what little I do have they tend to think that you're being a prick. This is that I have often seen, people with little to share, sharing what little they have. Some people tend to have entitlement issues though. If you have something, they think they are entitled to it.

Oh, well...No more Mr. Nice Guy.

I'll just keep my crippled ass in my hole and stay happy with what little I do have.

Monday, June 20, 2011

A mixed bag of miscellaneous bullshit.

As in the plain fact that my mind and my thoughts have been scattered all over the place.

The reason for that of course is that I have allowed that to happen. It's part of my self defense mechanism that permit me to avoid things that require some attention. Like posting to this blog. To set things down in relatively correct and plain English so I can see, well me.

There are those days when even looking in a mirror is a frightening event.

As mentioned before, there are those I "talk" to on a continuing basis. At times things get confused or distorted. Part of the reason, and it's really just a product of our modern times, are conversations that are fragmented into bites of 160 characters or less. Get something out of sequence, forget that there was another part of that message you may have missed and the entire meaning is skewed.

Part of the problem is my need to respond in some half ass witty fashion before the whole message is really assembled in proper order. My need to look smart and clever in a rush has indeed bitten me in the ass. Truth be known, I am not that witty or clever. Smartass, not wiseass is closer to the mark.

I'm grateful for those who are patient enough to work with me on that short coming. God knows why, but they do. And whether smartass or wiseass, neither projects inteeligence or wisdom.

Intelligence is not a guarantee of wisdom either, but it must be noted that wisdom has been gained from those who, at the surface anyway, have appeared not to be too intelligent.

But that is what those 10 second character assessments will get you.

One other thing that has been distracting me from posting is my pursuit of silly, foolish fun. As mentioned before, I am "Mostly Harmless."Despite being the shameless attention whore and internet slut that I am, I am amazed what effect a few well placed words have on the clueless. Clueless as my farcebook profile, beyond the link to this blog is poor representation of who I really am.

This fact was pointed out by a friend on their own status update.

So I play with the ladies, or at least those who present themselves as such. I play with the politicians whose views don't align with mine. Conspiring with like minded people on promoting our "medicine" or giving someone a hard time is part of the sport. I also play with those who are all a whole lot like me. As one new friend mentioned, "A white crackhead on Facebook, what a surprise!"

There are who know the real Erie Cracker. They have taken the time to read the blog and have not run screaming. Private messages have led me to believe that some good has come from those associations for them as well as myself, regardless of how they have started. Some of those have become in a very real sense, friends.

There are others who shy away. I can't blame them, but we both may have lost.

Two other things have been distracting me as well.

Fathers Day was yesterday. Not a card, not a text, not even a peep from my children. No, this isn't about poor me. The fact they don't know me is my fault, not theirs. But I am making some efforts to at least repair those relationships. Some things like that take time. I am the one who needs to be patient though. Irony or Karma has a play in this as well.

Ironically, Karma is a motherfucker.

The other thing is that money is coming soon. I haven't been as diligent as in the past in preparation. Things need to be planned. Yeah, the lists need to be made. I am not that far from the street again that I can afford to get cocky about that fact. Nope, can't let that happen.

I, again haven't had a hit in almost a week. I did a bit drunk and high last weekend through the kindness of friends and friends of friends My funds were squirreled away out of reach. I don't really call for cash unless there is a real need. I know I'll ask for enough for that buzz and do what can be done to forestall that as much as possible.

One of the people who showed up at our little impromptu Friday night parties was wearing yellow tinted safety glasses. I had to mention that many people looked at life through rose colored glasses, but it appeared he was looking at life through piss colored glasses. Fact is I may well be the one who has been looking at life that way.

And so it goes...

For those reading this for the first time, the question begs to be asked:
How do you like me now?

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Good, the Bad and the Snarky

Clicking on the title will take to you Merriam-Webster's online dictionary with the proper definition of snarky. And that definition works just dandy in this case.

But first the good needs to be mentioned.

The good is that I really have been occupied in other ways that make the necessity of posting my complaints here a bit less imperative. Not to say that there are not things that need to be brought to this blog. It's just that once upon a time I had no other outlet for my frustrations, setbacks, problem or for that matter good things happening in my life.

In other words there were few who gave a rats ass about what was going in my life. Not too many confidants who would listen and even at times offer good feedback for the shit I was basically putting myself through. Now there are those who can cut through my rationalizations and get right to the heart of my malarkey and basically let me know what's up.

You can plug in malarkey while you have the Merriam-Webster Dictionary up if you like, but bullshit works pretty good as a definition as well.

So having those ears has given me an outlet not available to me for some time. And that is very good.

The bad is of course I am still hitting the pipe fairly regularly. In a sense it does indeed take away things that I would rather have in some sense. The inability on my part to say no to myself when there is more than $20.00 in my pocket is starting to grate in some respects.

And that really is the thing though. I'm not saying no to crack, but I am saying no to things I would rather have and enjoy in my life. Funny what a chemical can do to ones brain to disallow oneself some of the nicer things in life. Not everything of course, but enough to make one snarky.

The thing is that the people who I may well have been snarky towards are the same people who have given me their ears. And at times I feel as though I haven't been as willing to listen or for that matter even listening as attentively as I should. I am trying to work on that though.

There are some other things that have made me snarky as well. But it wouldn't be right to talk about those things in this blog. It's part of that thing that had me pause in making entries in here before. If it's not about me, it doesn't belong here.

Getting right to the heart of that though is I probably have no right to get all pissy about those things, as it really doesn't have a direct effect on my life. But because of the good people in my life, I have a place to vent. For that I am grateful.

Besides, a snarky Erie Crackhead even with a humorous edge is not a pretty sight.

Monday, June 6, 2011

I am not the only one out here.

By out here I mean the internet. The World Wide Webz.

Slowly people have kind of let me know where they are at in regards to their situations. It's not much different than my circumstances. Some are in worse shape and others might be doing a bit better. But there are connections being made. Social networks, but like real life do attract people with like interests.

I don't mean we're sharing numbers of drug dealers either. It also doesn't mean that all of my internet friends even use any drugs at all. There are some through their own devices that have escaped to some degree. There are some who have family members who have a problem of some sort.

But we have access to computers, either at the library or other public access sites. Some own there own machine. Perhaps, like me an old lap top has been donated. Maybe one was acquired through other means. It's possible considering the number of computers over the past ten years that have been stolen from me.

I may mentioned in previous posts about things stolen and some uncomfortable situation that happen when you scam a dealer for a few hits or more. Or when the dealer becomes his best customer bad things almost always happen, even if their drug isn't yours.

It might be nice if somewhat of a using group could be assembled say on FB. Perhaps this forum could be a resource for helping each of find some sanity and stability in a world that expects nothing more from us than running some hustle on the street or learning a bit of money management to slowly improve all of our individual situations.

Hey, it could happen and perhaps there are those out there reading this blog might be able to point me and others to those discussion groups so we all can improve our lot in life.

And how are things going with me? I have hit a rock or two since my last entry. Not as much in total as other months, but I did manage 9 days before finding myself in the position of wanting to make the call.

As mentioned before, I again have a reliable number with relatively decent quality. As mentioned before this new guy's number sort of fell into my lap and wheh I first tried it it worked just dandy.

Probably more dandy for the Dude rather than my financial situations, but I wasn't put in a situation of crawling the streets to play trial and error with the various dealers working curb service. It also should be mentioned that home delivery is part of this kid's service.

A blessing and a curse, but at least he arrives when he says he will.

The cat seems to have been put on the back burner for a little longer, but that is something that will happen before the summer has come to an end. The summer season seems to slip away before it gets started so I am continuing to put pressure on my friend to get back to the shelter to make things happen.

I used to be a guy who could make things happen. While some of that power is no longer available, I still have skills. (Insert smiley face here.)