Monday, September 26, 2011

The last day.

Well the last day of another ride around the sun.

A few more spins than most I know and a few less than others in my life. Along the way some have finished their ride. There are others who have also just hopped aboard.

I hope I get to meet them before my ride is over.

Yeah. Another year older. Perhaps none the wiser but maybe just a tad more cautious. New things, new experiences and new people are still out there to be enjoyed. In some cases one might also say there are also things merely to be endured as well.

If I have anything, it's endurance.

Keeping my eyes open for those experiences is not quite as acute as in the past. But I'm still curious about a great many things. It's part of what or who makes up me. It's sort of like an adventure that has little twists and turns with each passing day. Sometimes the twists and turns come at a rapid fire pace and faster than I can absorb or process these events.

So, sometimes I just have to sit and try to figure how it all unravels.

Like when you go fishing and your reel backlashes when you make a cast. That's when life often gets very interesting as well. It's almost a guarantee that some dumb ass fish is going to take that bait while your trying to unravel the mess that's your line.

That certainly makes things more interesting, as in that Chinese curse interesting.

In many respects my daily life has been reduced to basic common denominators. Very few complications, very few responsibilities and not many demands. Bills and personal debts are paid, necessities are bought and enough cash is set aside for dire emergencies.

Well, small emergencies anyway.

Life has returned to "normal" in some respects around here. Don and his Uncle Vlad have become reacquainted. Library books are going to be due soon, so a trip to the library is on the horizon. Lunch at the Mission has been avoided for awhile, so I need to stop by and see what's good to eat.

Moo has been working hard at training me, although there have been a few mornings when her breakfast was a little later than she would prefer. We have an agreement on where she takes a dump as well. Keeping a few inches of water in the tub has aided in that effort. Now we're working on when it's her computer time.

So to celebrate another spin around the sun, I'm going celebrate quietly and contemplate some things. I'm also going make a big cast out into the pond.

I ain't gonna' put my thumb on the reel spool either.

It's how you catch fish.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A little help from my friends.

As each day passes it seems I know less and less. I try to understand some things about me and others for a matter of fact, but things are no clearer to me than they were in the past.

I know part of the problem is my continual tinkering with my "wiring." It's part of the deal with us crack heads. Just when we get a grip on things, everything turns around. And while nothing is static or lasts forever, there should be some constants.

But nothing is guaranteed.

There are no sure bets.

There aren't any easy answers.

Nothing is cast in stone.

The thing that I've found is that if help is asked for, it's usually there in some form. People seem to give a shit, even if I don't. And being someone who is a survivor in many regards, there is something wrong with my way of thinking about myself.

Part of that admittedly faulty thinking is fear. Fear is a root of many of the wrong things that are part of me. At the same time I sit here saying I have nothing to fear.

Let's just say "Unreasonable Fears R Me!"

One thing is very clear to me. When asked for, help is usually there. Sometimes it comes from unexpected sources. While I'm not exactly certain why, it has always surprised me. Often it comes from people who are in similar situations as mine. The helpless helping the hopeless. In many ways it seems to work as well. In a way, it also seems to make perfect sense.

With that said, I do manage to get by with a little help from my friends.

Click the title, it says it all.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How you doin'?

Who me?

Actually not too bad for the past few days. Getting outside more has been a help. Listening to the newly mostly sober Don has been enlightening to a degree as well. No calls from the Dude has enhanced that feel good feeling.

I say mostly sober Don, as he bought a bottle of wine a few nights ago. Ruinite Blackberry something or other. As he calls it, Ruinyournightie Blackberry wine. Looking out for his best interests I drank three fourths of that bottle.

Just doing my part, you know.

My good mood has been tinged with a bit of snarkiness.

Moo, the Wonder Cat has been challenging in that she believes my shower to be a littler box. I'm not sure if she's pissed off at me or confused. A friend suggested that I might be keeping her box too clean and she has lost the scent. More research into this is required. My chasing her around the house last night with a squirt gun probably didn't help the matter.

Not catching her in the act, she's might be wondering what getting her ass soaked was all about.

Safaris to the local convenience store, pharmacy and Dollar General have also provided opportunities to unleash a bit of pent up frustrations. Don and I discussed the possibility of panhandling the panhandlers.

Sort of like, "Hey, can you help a brother out?"
"Sorry, Bud, I can't but if you have any spare change it sure would be appreciated."

One fellow did piss me off. This guys routine is to sit there and ask almost everyone who passes for a smoke. He'll get a cigarette and immediately tuck it away. My guess is that he accumulates enough to carry him through for awhile and go elsewhere to smoke. So I sat a bench next to the one he was on and lit up a cigarette. Almost immediately he asks if I had another cigarette.

My quick response was, "No! Why don't you learn how to make them yourself, like I do." That may well have been better than my saying, "I don't smoke," with a cigarette in my hand.

Yes, I have said that on more than one occasion.

Anyways, for a moment I thought that clown was going to clock me. What happened instead was everyone around started laughing their asses off. It seems as though everyone who watched or hss been targeted by him at his game enjoyed that comeback. He looked away for an instant before hitting up the next guy walking by with a cigarette in their hand.

The shameless have no shame?

The funny thing is that since I have started making smokes myself, I'm a little touchier about folks who mooch them. I'm not sure what that is all about, but it's even gotten to the point where a neighbor asked for a cigarette a few nights ago. I gave her five made up smokes, a hand full of tubes , some loose tobacco and the little hand held machine to make them.

Then I said to her, "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day..."

Don't know how that went over, but hopefully she has developed a knack for shooting them out.

So, how am I doin'?

Today, I'm better than OK.

How YOU doin'?

Monday, September 12, 2011

An extraordinarily unextraordinary week

While some things of interest did indeed happen, most of the world wouldn't have noticed. From any other vantage point I probably wouldn't have noticed either. But I have a front row seat to some of the most mundane occurrences in this part of the world.

The non-drinking Don has been walking the soles off of of my feet for starters. Let's go here, let's go there. And we don't have to stop every 100 yards to take a break anymore. It's almost getting to the point where I might just buy him a bottle to slow down his perky ass.

Naw, that would be just plain wrong.


Passing on a couple of trips actually was a necessity on my part. Cramming into a strangers car, or tempting fate by getting stranded 10 miles from home would have done little to improve my sense of humor. While the chance of getting lost or stranded aren't particularly frightening, I would prefer it be done on my terms.

I did get Don to go with me to an opening of a gallery or something along that lines. A friend's paintings were hanging on the walls, and I wanted to see them in a proper light. Actually I have seen few of his paintings anyway, so this gave me an opportunity to see more of his work. This outing also provided the chance to be around people instead of being holed up.

I also made Don pay the admission/donation for the event.

Another extraordinary occurrence was Don made dinner. It should be noted that for over a year and a half he has been threatening to do so and he finally did just that. Well mostly, as he did cook the steaks and veggies. I cooked and smashed the potatoes. He actually set a place on the coffee table and served it as well.

Small wonders.

On another front, visits from the Dude have been lessened to a degree. No available cash and Don's sobriety have had me not calling him as often. Not entirely crack-less, but the amounts this month have been lower by any one's standard. While Don is owed a bit, it certainly isn't anything like in the past. I may even have a head start on a financially healthy October.

I hate looking that far into the future, but some goals are better than none at all.

So while the rest of the world just buzzed along at it merry pace, there was little attention paid to these unextraordinary events. Well, almost no attention was paid as in the big scheme of things, these had little effect on the rest of the world.

It's nice to know it wasn't entirely unnoticed though...

Monday, September 5, 2011

Internutz and real life....

I had my profile on Facebook deleted. I'm not entirely sure why, but suspect it was nothing more than being a "fake" profile. Some sort of way to eliminate cyber bullying is the official reason given for these types of deletions. Sadly the reasoning is lost on me as well as deletions to others for things that amount to freedom of speech or expression.

To set up a new profile more hoops had to be jumped through but it has kept me busy to a degree.

Of course the hoops only provide more ways to keep track of us who may have multiple profiles for family, friends and neighbors, as well as having an outlet for amusement purposes. Some may look at it as an alter ego that can do things that you can only do in cyber spaces.

Let your imagination run wild and you can do it online where no-tell motels are more numerous than Mickey D's.

The reason this is mentioned is that a good percentage of my time is spent online. Erie Crackered, formally Erie Cracker on FB is a way of venting at times what is real. As mentioned in previous posts, my mask is wearing thin, but there is still a certain amount of protection in that guise. Those who know me have been great in keeping

But I have some fun, try not to be too savage in my trollishness and friends have been made. The thing though, the fact is it is the internutz and isn't really real. It's just the people playing that are real. Sometimes that comes out humorously. Not to say that real facts and bits of lives are not shared. And that is how some have become friends beyond the names on the list.

It's also how a lot of hours get burned up that should be used for something more productive.

Like house cleaning.

Real life has been interesting lately as I have more company on a daily basis. Don, who happily is not drinking, has been an almost daily visitor for coffee. So much so that I'm thinking he needs a coffee pot as well. Not so he won't stop for coffee, but so I can go someplace in the morning for a change in scenery. It might also cut down on my coffee and creamer expenses.

Hey, have you checked the price of that stuff recently?

A side benefit is he is also getting me out of the house more often. A walk downtown for supplies. A stop by to talk with a few friends and to get some sunshine and fresh air. Winter will be soon enough, so for now the more often the better from my point of view. A way to keep my world broader than just a keyboard and a monitor.

I can make a pile of excuses to avoid those safaris, but more often or not I do get outside.

At the same time it has had an effect on my hitting the pipe. While not eliminated, my using has been curtailed in a fashion. Don's not drunk and throwing money at me. He actually is doing something I wish I could at times. He's using his cash to do things that make him happy. I'm less inclined to ask for money as well when he's sober.

So what is owed to him is considerably less than in the past. As in almost nothing.

Almost nothing.

This also lessens the chances of me taking a front from the Dude. My back up is not as sure as it was in the past. The benefits of another sobriety has had a ripple effect. I'm not complaining as it helps me do what at times I cannot do myself.

On a different note, Don and I went to Dollar General. He asked if I needed anything and I really didn't but as soon as I looked at anything to hard he was offering to purchase it for me. I relented and had him buy me a dictionary and a Diet Coke. I put it on the tab I owe him, but I'm certain he'll refuse to be repaid.

That does make me uncomfortable but...

I guess it makes him feel better and I'm all for that. Again, there's a ripple effect.

But what spoiled the trip was my needing to use a rest room. Dollar General doesn't allow customers to use theirs and frankly few places downtown allow "us" to use their facilities. When informed of their not having public restrooms I mischievously replied that I hoped I didn't end up pissing myself in the store.

But that's me. I just can't pass the chance to make a smart ass remark when it presents itself. Sometimes my outbursts aren't in good taste, whatever that is...

After all, you are reading this on the internutz, where anything can happen.