Wednesday, December 26, 2012

And it was Christmas...

I went out onto the streets on Christmas Day to look around and buy a few essentials.

As it was money day and a holiday not all could be accomplished that was needed to be done. Smoke supplies were gotten, a couple of packs of factory made cigarettes and two new glass roses were bought.  A bottle of Diet Coke and twelve pack of "high gravity" beer was also picked up.

You know, the cheap stuff that tastes like shit but gets the job done.

The convenience store where I get my smoke supplies has acquired a beer license and so they have taken a corner of the place and set up some tables and chairs. The problem is that they had to drop a few items from there usual convenience store inventory.

Like bread and milk.

Chips, cookies, prepackaged baked goods and other junk food were in abundance. Soda, ice tea, energy drinks and that sort of thing filled the coolers as well. Let's not forget the back wall cooler that had a pretty varied assortment of import and domestic beer.

From high end imports to the shit that I bought.

I went to a few other stores in the hope that there would be someplace open to get those few extra supplies. There was no such luck as it appeared everyone wanted to take a day off from work. The only exception was the new beer shop. While the place wasn't packed, there were a few in there sipping.

The proprietors know their clientele and their needs.

One would have thought that the streets would have been deserted, and while the usual assortment of people weren't out that was not really the case. A few people could be seen walking  to or from some place. Judging from the time and direction they were traveling from they were probably leaving the Mission after having lunch.

A few did indeed seem to be wandering aimlessly. A couple of others were in the bus stops trying to catch a bit of a break from the cold and wind. One lady, upon hearing a distant siren started hollering "I got no warrants!  I got no warrants! Book 'em Danno!"

The Chinese restaurant was open as well. While tempted to go in, I wasn't really in the mood for their buffet and didn't feel like waiting for take-out. I guess I could have called for delivery, but by the time I returned home, the urge had passed.

Other things were on my mind.

One fellow was digging through the charity bin at Gannon University. He seems intent on improving or increasing his winter wardrobe. It just seems that when it gets cold around here enough layers are just not enough. He may also have been trying to work something out for some reasonable bedding

This scene very much reminded me of a picture I saw of Santa dumpster diving.

Same thing maybe, but different.

So had had my smokes, my beers and my new glass roses. Most everything got put away and the place was straightened up a bit.  A call was made as I got some cash.  Most was used to square accounts with the dude. With that I settled in and put a piece on my pipe.

Sometimes you just have to get away, you know.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

They come and they go....

And sometimes you never see them again.

A friend sent the above link and it was like getting an electric shock

Over the years, the Erie Crackhead has met a lot of different women on the streets.  The reason, and this is said hesitantly, but when in a new town most crackheads seek out where the "stroll" was located. The main reason for that was when you find the girls, you have found dope.

And if you're not careful you may get way more than what you have bargained for...

It's that way in almost every major city I have been through. From New York City to Miami, from Charlotte to Minneapolis/St. Paul, from Pittsburgh to Atlanta and from Buffalo to Dallas along with most every larger city in between.

That would also include Erie, PA.

To say that my interest was strictly to acquire drugs would be dishonest. The sorry fact of the matter is that once crack was found and puffed up the way that I consume it, further contact with those girls was mostly for company. The mind might be willing, but that shit works better than salt peter.

Anyways, over the years more than a few of these women have stopped by my place.

They would stop by at weird hours to use their drugs in a mostly safe environment  Sometimes they would want to get a shower or change their clothes. Sometimes they needed to change their clothes to dodge someone looking for them.

You would also be surprised at how much a bright red wig can throw you off...

They might occasionally bring or want to get a bite to eat. Occasionally they would rent my room to use with a date.  Sometimes they would stop to treat bruises and cuts they received from a date or a mugger. I have had to get one to a hospital because the injuries were that severe.

Trust me though, I am no saint.

Usually when they stopped they had something for me.  They would always share what they had, whether it was food, drink or crack.  Well, always crack was shared as the house gets the first hit.  That is an unspoken rule all crackheads abide by.

I have gotten to know these women, and a few men who have taken to living this kind of life. Many, but not all, lived on the streets. Many, but not all, came from decent families. Many, but not all, had lives that more than a few of us could call a normal life. Most were intelligent, fairly well read and highly educated.

But not all.

Often when the drugs were gone and there was nothing to do but wait until morning, a storm to pass or for a drug dealer to show up (Always in five minutes) we would talk a bit. Sometimes it was about where we had been.  Talk was often about places we've been or things we had seen. We would talk about accomplishments that didn't seem as important to us anymore.  We sometimes would talk about the families or friends who were now in our past.

The only future we seemed to speak of was when that sumbitch would show with our shit.

But these girls would come and go. Show up at unexpected times, occasionally when their appearance was inconvenient. Knocking on the door at almost any hour of the day, but usually in the wee hours of the morning. Some might be by every day for a short period of time. I usually encouraged those to bounce as I didn't want them to be too comfortable.

More often or not things showed up missing with the more frequent visitors left. Some gave me the feeling that they wanted to move in, and I wasn't having that shit.  I have seen others who have put themselves into that spot and the ending was never pretty.

Others might only come around perhaps once a week or less as they had a number of safe places to post up.  These were the ones who didn't want to wear their welcome out at any one place. They were usually my favorites and were the most generous with their dope. You could also almost predict when so and so might show up at the door.

Crackheads, whatever their situation they are in are not noted for their predictability.

Now it has been mentioned before that they come and they go. Over the course of time though, some just disappeared. Some went to jail. Others were found or found out by family members and sent to rehab. Some found some fool willing to let them move in to the eventual dismay of all parties involved.

Unfortunately, some have indeed ended up dead.

Friday, November 2, 2012

You know what?

Well, you never know.

You never know when the phone is going to ring. That could happen at 3:00 AM just as easily as it could happen at 3:00 PM. It could also happen when you are too busy or broke to do anything about what might be offered or requested during the call. The thing might also ring at time when you are getting ready to make a call for something or someone.

You never know who is going to be on the other side of the line.

While caller ID does take some of the mystery out of that fact, it is occasionally a surprise at who's name may pop up on the screen. Sometimes it's a brand spanking new number not recognized. More often than not if it's a local number at a strange time it can be assumed fairly safely what the call might be about. Out of town or blocked numbers, especially during what many might consider normal business hours are generally ignored.

Unless they repeatedly try calling back several times in a very short period of time. Chances are that it will be someone who either has an offer they think I can't refuse. Another possibility is that they have something that they believe will get them through my door without too much of an argument.

Occasionally someone reaches out by sending a text.  This is becoming more frequent lately, as some I suspect are more comfortable communicating in that fashion.  Some people just don't like talking on the phone anymore and that is now seems to be the way of the world..

This might also be because the texts can be erased quickly or people think that type of communication is "safer."

The thing is that the calls or texts set a spark. The kindling that is in my mind doesn't need mush of a spark to
set a fire raging inside of me. Even if a call or text is ignored, the smoldering starts. Sometimes things heat up quickly and at other times it may not fully ignite for hours or even days.

While it might be nice though to put blame on others for my sometimes unexpected dives down into the rabbit hole, there is only one person to blame. It is no longer possible to say if this one didn't call or that text didn't come through things would have been so much better.

Besides, when I point a finger at someone else, there are three other fingers pointing back at me.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Have you ever had one of those days...

One of those days when just the effort to get out of bed was monumental?

Yeah, everyone seems to have days like those.

Lately though it seems as though a day or two has been strung together in closer proximity to each other. Probably closer to a few weeks of this shit has been going on for me right now. A down cycle to be certain that might be fueled by my drug of choice and not really having anything pressing happening in life to push me out and about.

This is not to say that staying in bed 24/7 has actually happened, but the prospect of doing just that appear more attractive than moving around. This not to say that going out of doors hasn't happened either, but there has to be a real reason beyond just getting some fresh air to push me out of the door.

When getting out, some doors have been opened not available to me before, the thing is just the effort to get outside are much like the effort to get out of my bed in the morning. Getting to places not seen in some time has been possible. Getting involved in some activities not enjoyed for quite has been possible as well. It just seems that a super sized fire has to be lit under my ass for those things to happen.

Occasionally the match is struck by myself, but more often or not it takes someone else to instigate any action. Perhaps the things I have used to get motivated in the past seem to have lost their urgency. It might also be the lack urgency of those things is the result of the attitude of others who share or shared my interest in those things.

And all I can do is shrug.

There are also those trips that a born out of sheer necessity.

Interaction with other people also seems to be a low priority at this point in time. Even superficial chit chat has seemed to be an effort. Pushing some away, justifiably in my eyes and putting others a bit more on a back burner has been happening more often lately. Suffering fools has been more painful in a sense. Others attitudes or points of view seem to irritate me quicker as well.

Of equal importance is the fear of dragging others into my pit. There is a belief I hold, falsely or not, that this shit is as contagious as happiness. So in that belief, I do hermit up and put myself in a quarantine of sorts. To put people I care about into a funk like this would be cruel.

It just wouldn't be fair to give someone else a case of the sniffles, now would it...

There will those who will say that there are meds you can take this attitude or condition you are going through right now. There are those who may say, well you might want to go talk to your doc or a counselor or some other "professional" in the field.

They will happily prescribe what you need to make your days a bit sunnier. There exists a plethora of pills that will improve your mood and disposition. There are an armful of different pharmaceuticals that will put a bit of a spring into your step. A different drug for a different ailment and if they don't quite cut it, a supplement that will boost the other drugs effectiveness.

This is the thing though, putting that shit into my body just isn't going to cut it for me. For me, and this is not to say that others should not use those medications, but for me, I just can't see putting those drugs into my body. I am afraid that stuff will turn me into someone who is not me.


Stop laughing.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I know why....

Posting here has been infrequent.

There has been little or no real anger in my life and there is little left to fear, except as FDR put it, fear itself. Nothing exceptional has been happening either. Well, at least nothing that would need to be shared on this blog.

Not that it would matter from the point of view of what is going on in my mind. I still do what it is that drove me to write here in the first place, but the need to even write about that is diminished.

There has been reason lately though for some sort of zit popping, as anger has been slowing building up inside of me. The reason for it is my own doing and has to do with letting my own boundaries down a bit.

I don't don't often let others too close as it does seem to cause more frustration then an opportunity to open up or get close with another person. Getting intimate with people has it's risks. For them and myself as well.

This has been mentioned here before, but a hermit's existence is OK by me.

Also mentioned numerous times before, I don't have or really want many friends. Trust is a big issue. The other is that being alone has it's comforts. While there are times that loneliness may be an issue, there are ways to overcome that, thanks to the technology that is at damned near everyone's fingertips.

There have been articles written and studies done stating that in some measure as we become more connected through technology, we are also further separating ourselves from real human contact. There is a certain comfort with being able to strike up a conversation without risk of really connecting with another person.

This is the thing though, this world seems to have built for me.

It's possible to have shallow conversations with others without the risk of exposing oneself too much. It is possible to play in a fantasy world without the consequences of real life contact. It is a place where one can be witty, charming or disgusting and crude and most of the rest don't really care as long as their personal space or balloons are not pierced.

Occasionally though mistakes are made.

Information is exchanged. Real life conversations are had with others. Experiences to one degree or another are shared. But then you discover, or they discover that the price of giving up some of this privacy was not worth the effort. The gears aren't meshing and it is no fault of anyone.

There are people that I do have deep meaningful conversations and at times they are just surface chatter. Sort of like what's new today conversations just to touch base with each other. Some are damned near daily. Others are perhaps once a week or less. There are others still that may not call, or I call every three to six months.

Hell, there are those that may have contact with me once a year or less. The thing is though the exchanges are welcome and indeed at times needed by either them or me. Importantly though, in all those cases we respect each others boundaries.

There are those cases though, when someone seems to just want to maintain that shallow level of conservation to amuse themselves and inject themselves into or invade my life.

I really don't need that shit.

Getting a message or a text telling me or seemingly commanding me to "tell them something good" is a setup that is better avoided. The temptation to say something unpleasant or hurtful has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Not to mention that being treated as a sideshow or circus act for one's amusement is distasteful and degrading.

The jokes and other nonsense are for my amusements. Those who get the gags are welcome to laugh along. Being a puppet is not part of my deal though, and those who invade my space to amuse themselves because they're bored or lonely usually get the boot pretty damned quick.

What is amazing to me as I was quite prepared to just let this all drop. But this zit, sitting on the end of nose grew to boil like proportions today. The cause may well have been this well meaning but misguided person who approached me early on yesterday. Sitting, reading, enjoying the sun and the breeze off the water, this fellow came up to me. After exchanging the usual pleasantries ones does with strangers in a public open space, my peace was shattered as they insisted in talking about Jesus.

The pressure is now off, but I'm afraid I've cracked the mirror.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

"God does not play dice with the Universe."

Those words are attributed to Albert Einstein. In response to that Neils Bohr has been rumored to have relied, "Stop telling God what to do."

The above exchange is supposed to have been a result of an argument about quantum physics. A subject a person such as myself knows little about. What is known to me are some other things somewhat less lofty, but at times perhaps no less complicated.

Maybe it would be more correct to say the Erie Crackhead knows little about anything, but that doesn't keep him from spouting his mouth off. In this age of instant information there are abundant experts in damned near every field.

Some things actually are quite puzzling and indeed disturbing with the way the world is spinning today. People are finding themselves in situations for which there is no ready explaination. It has little or nothing to do with choices they made. It has little or nothing to do with bad habits, laziness or a lack of desire to get ahead in this world an be responsible participants.

Where I am and why are because of choices that were made. To say there is bitterness about that is extremely wrong. In some measure my life has become so uncomplicated as to be almost joyful at times. My needs are simple and resources are available so that basic needs are met.

Some more comforts would be there if it weren't for my continuing love affair with a rock. Again those are choices made and the consequences are fully realized. Those consequences are also more than financial, having an effect on my physical and mental health, but that's another post for another day.

This is the thing. Most people don't choose to be out of work. Most people don't choose not to pay their bills. Most people would prefer to eat a healthy diet. Most people would like to enjoy all the things that life has to offer. Most people would rather be honest, active players in pursuit of their dreams.

Most people would not choose to live their lives as a down and out druggie.

What is disturbing though as that there are more and more people who are being forced to make hard choices and it is because of no fault of their own. Some things that were stable are no longer that way. No longer is a decent way of life for those willing to put out a bit of effort guaranteed any longer.

There are no answers to this from me. A friend once said something along the lines of, "Now the rest of them are feeling what is was like for us."

The point of this, if there is one might be this though...
If there is a God and he is playing dice, it's time to step away from the table.

But who am I to tell God what to do?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

It's been kind of hot...

Another summer when it gets sweaty around 10 in the morning and doesn't get comfortable again until 10 at night.

I have taken a few trips to the library to enjoy the air conditioning, but haven't taken any books out lately. I owe a $3.00 fine and every time I go, there isn't enough in my pocket to cover that cost. If there is, the small amount is usually going to be used for something of more immediate pleasure rather than cover past sins.

Sooner or later being blocked from using the computers or seeing a book that has to be read will have me coughing up the cash.

I did make a stop at a bar a few days ago. I lasted as long as it took to drink one beer. In the course of that short stay in this fine watering hole I was offered pills and a lollypop.

One fellow exposed his entire life by cleaning out his back pack on the bar. He was complaining that the air conditioning wasn't working all that well as he tore through his stuff, sorting out trash from things of value to himself. In some cases I think some of his treasures should have gone with the trash.

There is some stuff in this rat hole that many would just toss out in the garbage, so I should probably just be quiet.

Back at the bar, lady a few stools down from me complained about her good friend. It seems she thinks her dear pal has a serious drinking problem and is an alcoholic. This was accompanied by a lot of arm waving and finger pointing. Shortly afterwards, this sweet talking girl fell off of her stool.

And not one drop of beer was spilled.

That's was enough excitement for my $2.50 and I cruised on out of the door. Stopping in there three or four times a year provides a lot of action packed into a short span of time. Like watching an episode of The Twilight Zone.

Thankfully, it was a place where nobody knows my name.

On other fronts, crack has been scarce around here. The little bit that was consumed around check day was pretty shitty. And from what I've heard it's gotten worse. Two out of three slingers aren't answering the phone and the third has been trying to sell something that has no cocaine in it at all. So why even bother?

It's funny how some blessings come in strange ways.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Henry Miller wrote...

"I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive."

That was in his book, "Tropic of Cancer."

Money, as I have said many times in the past has been a trigger, so to speak, that fed a fire that seems to be there most all of the time. There have been times where the Dude might front me a bit here and a bit there. And while trying to fight off the urge to not take advantage of those offers, I cave in to them. It's part of the deal, you know...

Show me an addict who hasn't and I'll show you a bullshit artist.

This is what is going on right now. One Dude who fronts me isn't calling at all. An attempt to reach him on a few occasions left me thinking that his phone has been shut off. And again, that usually means his was stolen, he's out of town or he's in jail.

Considering past history with this one, my money is on his being in jail.

I did get a call from another Dude who occasionally does a front. He wanted to know if I would allow someone to sit in my place for awhile. Initially I said yes, aided by the fact that he would throw me off something for that favor.

After a few minutes I called him back. That wasn't going to work for me that night.

The reason was I am loath to have people in here and even more so to have strangers in my home. Add to that is there is no way I want this place to turn into a crack house. Been down that road before and it isn't a pretty picture.

I also suspected that some fool was going to rent their car to this kid. That usually means that when they say they be back by 10:00 PM chances are they won't show until 3:00 AM. There is also the risk that they may not show back up at all.

I've seen that shit happen more than once.

Hell, I've had it happen to me.

So passing on that offer, while making me a bit queasy in the short term, has given me a reason to breathe a bit easier. I don't run a damned baby sitting service. I also hope the fool that may have rented his car out got it back, if not one time, in one piece.

Another Dude I know doesn't do credit and that's more than alright by me.

But the simple fact of the matter is while I really want to get fucking high, it probably isn't going to happen for awhile. And money day is still a little ways away. If I'm quick I might even be able to get some squirreled away out of reach.

So for the moment, with no money, no resources and no hopes, I am the happiest man alive.

But I still want to get fucking high.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

About four blocks one way and three blocks another

Sometimes it's a good idea to go where you've been to get a good idea of where you are now.

Today also seemed like a great day to take a walk to the City Mission to have lunch. It's not like this was something that had to be done to prevent starvation, but there was a time when that's exactly why I ate there.

Well at least 4 out of seven days in a week.

While some things there have changed many things remained the same. Yes, there were new faces. Sadly there were also more children there to eat as well. Some of the regulars I knew were still standing in line or waiting for the bell to ring for seconds.

Considering it's the beginning of the month, the dining room is surprisingly full.

There were still the mentally ill sitting at the tables. Talking to themselves or talking to anyone within earshot. Perhaps even talking to some invisible friend, who I hoped was giving counsel for calm. One fellow was laughing for no reason apparent to me while more than one was just staring

I do have to confess to laughing at some private joke or memory. I have also been guilty of staring blankly while recalling something from my past or trying to see into the future.

It comes with the territory, I guess.

As always, there were some folks there I remember by name. C always stops by to say "Hi! Aren't God's blessings great?" I tell C yes, they are and ask how he's been getting along. P was also there and it can't be said I was happy to see him. I haven't seen him since well before Don died. He looked well enough for the wear and had a smile on his face.

The smile was the scary part.

G hollers, "Hey! Long time no see! How's everything going for you?" I tell him things are OK and that I wish I lived in a nice place like his. G lives in the housing units across the street. He has a balcony on the 7th floor which looks out towards the lake.

Besides the fact that his rent is less than mine, I'm a little jealous of that little feature. Perhaps in the great scheme of it all, he may well be more deserving.

The busker, who I passed on the way to the Mission also was there for some lunch. I'm sure the spare change he collects from his strumming is for a much HIGHER purpose than merely food.

Going to the mission for lunch is a necessity for me though. It isn't so much to make me feel good about where I am. It isn't so much about letting me know what's been accumulated in material things. It isn't about trying to make myself feel superior to people who spend their nights more outside than indoors.

It's to remind myself how fucking close I am to having be there again.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day Weekend

Wasn't all that memorable this year.

Then again it really isn't about you or me now is it? It's about those who passed before us with special emphasis on those who served in the Armed Forces.

That's the way they seem to market it all to us anyway. For others of us this holiday is also full of memories of times, both good and bad that we recall with either sadness or warm feelings.

For some folks Memorial Day is an everyday event, mattering little if those being remembered were in the service of our country or not. And honestly not mattering whether the one being remembered has passed or just out of ones life.

I try to focus on the positive whenever possible as it is too damned easy to slip into some dark funk that doesn't do me or anyone around me any good.

Getting out and about was part of the tonic I needed to keep things on a positive note. A ride to the cemetery on Saturday to do a little clean up at the graves of those who passed before me. A ride to Presque Isle to enjoy the air, the water, the views and the people who were enjoying themselves in ways I haven't truly in years.

A stop at New York Lunch for hamburgs and hotdogs was also part of that excursion. Eaten on a regular basis, that stuff will probably do more damage than any of the chemicals I put into my body. Being as health conscious as I am, those visits happen no more than twice a year.

I do look at it this way though. Just as too much of a good thing isn't good for you, not enough of a really tasty unhealthy thing may be just as damaging.

It is all about balance, you know.

No complaints on my part as I was just happy for the opportunity to get there in the first place. A chance to get away from these walls for a few hours is always welcome.

There are times that that escape has to be prodded along by others.

Today took me to the park without any prodding. A book to read and a shady spot to enjoy it, a passing show of the different people who for whatever reason find Perry Square a place to relax, read, meet with friends or just contemplate shit going on inside of themselves. Besides, isn't that part of what this day is all about.

Contemplating that shit in a nicer place does also seem to give it all a rosier glow. Whether it deserves that glow or not...

Friday, May 18, 2012

It has been awhile...

And I'm not certain that is because there was nothing to say, as much has happened. On the other hand things have remained the same. Probably other outlets for my feelings and other crap going on have taken over in that regard.

It should be noted that when I started this blog, there was virtually no one to share what was going on. Most people didn't want to associate with a crackhead. Stereotypes, stigmas and the bad reputation many who hit a rock as often as I did and do tend to keep people at a distance.

In some cases, hundreds of miles distant.

Thankfully that is not really the case anymore.

Many people have accepted me for who and what I am and judge me more on what I do.   That is in contrast with what many may think I do in and because of my bad habit. Many bad habits is probably more accurate.

Not to be snooty, but show me someone who says they don't have any bad habits, and my guess is that they are lying. And there is no judgement in that, it just seems to be the way things are for all of us.

I think.

The other part of why there hasn't been an entry here in some time though may speak with my hiding from myself the lack of progress in a way. This of course is the fact that I still see the Dude (or Dudes) on a fairly regular basis.

As time has passed more people have discovered who I am. Some by my design and some though circumstance.  It did become uncomfortable to talk with some people about this all. Another part of the compartmentalization that comes with keeping secrets.

Trust also has played a role in this all.  I really don't think waving a flag about this all would be good idea though.

Recording this in the past has been a record of what was going on or what I may have been going through. That really needs to be maintained for the future. In many respects this is still a safe place to put this information. For me and others who might be in my shoes or know someone who is here as well.

The thing is that not talking about what I have or haven't been doing isn't exactly hiding anything from anyone except for one person.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

A New Year

The past year wasn't my greatest by any stretch of the imagination. It can also be said that last year certainly hasn't been my worst for that matter as well. I do know there hasn't been a great year for me in perhaps twenty years or more.

That's how long I've been hitting the pipe, so that speaks for itself.

My worst year may have been ten years ago, or was it three years ago? That matters little at this point in time because I survived it all and am here to tell the story for those with the endurance or interest to put up with listening to the tale.

As mentioned to a friend though, life is still an adventure to me. Sometimes you have to endure things you don't like, but that's part of the price for this E ticket ride. And how else can you describe something that has wild twists and turns, breath taking ups as well as downs. There are sudden stops and whip-lash starts as well as thrills and chills.

There are also parts that are peaceful and I can even say full of joy.

Last year had a bit of all of those factors. Friends were made and some were lost. Some just moved a bit away but certainly are not gone. Places were visited I have never been to before and hope to see again. People were met face to face and others who I have yet to have that pleasure. Some of those people are even considered to be friends. Real friends who can share without fear of judgement or fear of one's stuff being the source of gossip.

You really can't ask for much more than that and that really is the way it should be.

Things, while not holding the same importance to me as they have in the past, have been accumulated and little has been lost. Then again there really isn't all that much to lose.

And that's more than OK.

Finances aren't all that great, but they have been worse. But important things are paid for and real obligations are met. Nothing really gets saved, but I do have a taste for expensive recreational drugs. That shit ain't cheap, you know.

Yeah, I'm smirking too...


So today is the first of a New Year. I am still on the ride and despite the good and the bad of it, I'm not getting off of it this year. Well, at least if I have anything to say about that fact. While there may be those who disagree, I still am of the conviction that some choices are not all ours to make in this life.

There still too much to see, hear, taste, feel, learn and experience.

And yes, it's still an adventure.