Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day Weekend

Wasn't all that memorable this year.

Then again it really isn't about you or me now is it? It's about those who passed before us with special emphasis on those who served in the Armed Forces.

That's the way they seem to market it all to us anyway. For others of us this holiday is also full of memories of times, both good and bad that we recall with either sadness or warm feelings.

For some folks Memorial Day is an everyday event, mattering little if those being remembered were in the service of our country or not. And honestly not mattering whether the one being remembered has passed or just out of ones life.

I try to focus on the positive whenever possible as it is too damned easy to slip into some dark funk that doesn't do me or anyone around me any good.

Getting out and about was part of the tonic I needed to keep things on a positive note. A ride to the cemetery on Saturday to do a little clean up at the graves of those who passed before me. A ride to Presque Isle to enjoy the air, the water, the views and the people who were enjoying themselves in ways I haven't truly in years.

A stop at New York Lunch for hamburgs and hotdogs was also part of that excursion. Eaten on a regular basis, that stuff will probably do more damage than any of the chemicals I put into my body. Being as health conscious as I am, those visits happen no more than twice a year.

I do look at it this way though. Just as too much of a good thing isn't good for you, not enough of a really tasty unhealthy thing may be just as damaging.

It is all about balance, you know.

No complaints on my part as I was just happy for the opportunity to get there in the first place. A chance to get away from these walls for a few hours is always welcome.

There are times that that escape has to be prodded along by others.

Today took me to the park without any prodding. A book to read and a shady spot to enjoy it, a passing show of the different people who for whatever reason find Perry Square a place to relax, read, meet with friends or just contemplate shit going on inside of themselves. Besides, isn't that part of what this day is all about.

Contemplating that shit in a nicer place does also seem to give it all a rosier glow. Whether it deserves that glow or not...

Friday, May 18, 2012

It has been awhile...

And I'm not certain that is because there was nothing to say, as much has happened. On the other hand things have remained the same. Probably other outlets for my feelings and other crap going on have taken over in that regard.

It should be noted that when I started this blog, there was virtually no one to share what was going on. Most people didn't want to associate with a crackhead. Stereotypes, stigmas and the bad reputation many who hit a rock as often as I did and do tend to keep people at a distance.

In some cases, hundreds of miles distant.

Thankfully that is not really the case anymore.

Many people have accepted me for who and what I am and judge me more on what I do.   That is in contrast with what many may think I do in and because of my bad habit. Many bad habits is probably more accurate.

Not to be snooty, but show me someone who says they don't have any bad habits, and my guess is that they are lying. And there is no judgement in that, it just seems to be the way things are for all of us.

I think.

The other part of why there hasn't been an entry here in some time though may speak with my hiding from myself the lack of progress in a way. This of course is the fact that I still see the Dude (or Dudes) on a fairly regular basis.

As time has passed more people have discovered who I am. Some by my design and some though circumstance.  It did become uncomfortable to talk with some people about this all. Another part of the compartmentalization that comes with keeping secrets.

Trust also has played a role in this all.  I really don't think waving a flag about this all would be good idea though.

Recording this in the past has been a record of what was going on or what I may have been going through. That really needs to be maintained for the future. In many respects this is still a safe place to put this information. For me and others who might be in my shoes or know someone who is here as well.

The thing is that not talking about what I have or haven't been doing isn't exactly hiding anything from anyone except for one person.