One of those days when just the effort to get out of bed was monumental?
Yeah, everyone seems to have days like those.
Lately though it seems as though a day or two has been strung together in closer proximity to each other. Probably closer to a few weeks of this shit has been going on for me right now. A down cycle to be certain that might be fueled by my drug of choice and not really having anything pressing happening in life to push me out and about.
This is not to say that staying in bed 24/7 has actually happened, but the prospect of doing just that appear more attractive than moving around. This not to say that going out of doors hasn't happened either, but there has to be a real reason beyond just getting some fresh air to push me out of the door.
When getting out, some doors have been opened not available to me before, the thing is just the effort to get outside are much like the effort to get out of my bed in the morning. Getting to places not seen in some time has been possible. Getting involved in some activities not enjoyed for quite has been possible as well. It just seems that a super sized fire has to be lit under my ass for those things to happen.
Occasionally the match is struck by myself, but more often or not it takes someone else to instigate any action. Perhaps the things I have used to get motivated in the past seem to have lost their urgency. It might also be the lack urgency of those things is the result of the attitude of others who share or shared my interest in those things.
And all I can do is shrug.
There are also those trips that a born out of sheer necessity.
Interaction with other people also seems to be a low priority at this point in time. Even superficial chit chat has seemed to be an effort. Pushing some away, justifiably in my eyes and putting others a bit more on a back burner has been happening more often lately. Suffering fools has been more painful in a sense. Others attitudes or points of view seem to irritate me quicker as well.
Of equal importance is the fear of dragging others into my pit. There is a belief I hold, falsely or not, that this shit is as contagious as happiness. So in that belief, I do hermit up and put myself in a quarantine of sorts. To put people I care about into a funk like this would be cruel.
It just wouldn't be fair to give someone else a case of the sniffles, now would it...
There will those who will say that there are meds you can take this attitude or condition you are going through right now. There are those who may say, well you might want to go talk to your doc or a counselor or some other "professional" in the field.
They will happily prescribe what you need to make your days a bit sunnier. There exists a plethora of pills that will improve your mood and disposition. There are an armful of different pharmaceuticals that will put a bit of a spring into your step. A different drug for a different ailment and if they don't quite cut it, a supplement that will boost the other drugs effectiveness.
This is the thing though, putting that shit into my body just isn't going to cut it for me. For me, and this is not to say that others should not use those medications, but for me, I just can't see putting those drugs into my body. I am afraid that stuff will turn me into someone who is not me.