Having been where I've been over the past twenty years have hardened me.
Sometimes it is a good thing. A defense and an armor against slights, comments or the plain shear rudeness people can inflict on each other. Years of practice have prepared me for the ignorance, pettiness and bigotry people have in their hearts.
To be honest, I have been insensitive to others as well. Perhaps another self-defense mechanism designed to protect myself from feeling. Empathy, something that is learned over time has been hard for me to learn. After all, I am a callous bastard whose only interest is in myself.
Or so I've been told.
Today started with some promise of being a good day. Things were going to be accomplished. Food would be gotten at the neighborhood pantry. Laundry, which desperately needs to be done, would have been gotten out of the way. Enough cash would remain to get a bottle of something at the liquor store. A few bottles of the cheap ass wine I've come to enjoy or perhaps some rum.
No Uncle Vlad for me, thank you. That shit will kill you.
Anyway, to make a short story shorter, the pantry was fairly empty today. Probably, as many recently received their checks, the need to stock up on free supplies was unnecessary. The usual supply of soup, canned goods and bread was available. Added to that was sliced luncheon ham and lettuce. Coffee, chocolate and cookies were also available.
Some items will be used and other stuff will be gotten to those who might have a need. From past history the stuff that gets passed on gets passed on again. It's the way people who have little for one reason or another do business.
A few things are put away for a special occasion or will gifted.
So after going through the line and getting that stuff, I wished the nice people there a good weekend. The sentiment was returned by a few. Everything was great until almost reaching the door, one lady who has always been particularly nice to me and most others, as far as I can tell, said something that almost had me in tears.
Words that are still rattling around in my head, as they were said with so much sincerity that it was almost crippling. Words that I would love to hear from at least one soul who I think of daily. The sorry fact of the matter though is I have no one to blame but myself for the situation that exists.
The words so cheerfully and sincerely said to me that they almost shook me to my knees?
Have a Happy Father's Day.
I had better get my laundry done. Heaven forbid I get hit by a bus wearing dirty underwear.