tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post3581862293806533529..comments2023-07-04T10:34:52.481-04:00Comments on A Crackhead in Erie: What does a crackhead know anyway?Erie Crackheadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02232433685833451986noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-66605985010421631542010-07-15T08:12:10.574-04:002010-07-15T08:12:10.574-04:00Yeah, CH, there is a transformation that has to ta...Yeah, CH, there is a transformation that has to take place. I can describe in great detail what that looked like in my life, but that would not be of use to you, beyond the amusement factor. The process is totally unencumbered by the "sobriety machine", instead is driven by you alone - the aware, unafraid you.<br />I hope you are well today!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-4513818872632895742010-07-14T14:29:00.906-04:002010-07-14T14:29:00.906-04:00My plan and hope, as already mentioned in this blo...My plan and hope, as already mentioned in this blog, is to be abstinent with money in my pocket. Money has been and is a major trigger for me. Frankly, I am happiest without money. Odd in that many years of my life were spent pursuing cash. Make money, make money, make mo' money.<br />Do I want it to come to an end. I truly wish I could answer that question honestly, and I am not sure that I can. I'm not trying to be evasive or make excuses, but that is a thorn I have been carrying for years.<br />The day after the last day really does look like today. And like today, the temptations, the triggers, the thoughts may well still be there and the beast will always be talking to me.<br />I truly believe that the beast has been part of me since I was a child. To be honest, I'm not sure who or what I would be if there was no beast inside of me. Yes, that scares me...Erie Crackheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02232433685833451986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-67880214190457726042010-07-14T13:05:18.331-04:002010-07-14T13:05:18.331-04:00......I'm still working on it......
How long d.........I'm still working on it......<br />How long do plan on working on it? How do you envision it to come to a conclusion? Do you WANT IT to come to an end? What does the next day after the end look like in your mind?<br />Who are you without the beast inside? Inquiring minds want to know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-33694433531135612162010-07-14T11:29:28.632-04:002010-07-14T11:29:28.632-04:00"It" is still the beast. That beast is ..."It" is still the beast. That beast is within me, and that beast is me at times, so I guess it is internalized. <br />Yes, there have been many who have made the journey and made it through to the other side. Some are robots who parrot slogans and act like Amway reps in their enthusiasm. They are at times as scary as some active addicts encountered along the way. Others have gone in a different direction with positive results. <br />I'm still working on it. <br />Part of that effort is doing what it is that I do here on this blog.<br />The blog is also open to comments. That is extremely important to me. Not just for accepting compliments, but for opening myself to constructive criticism for what I'm doing or have done here. Suggestions are always welcome, but may not always be taken.<br />Thank you for your kinds words concerning my writing. Not bad for someone who graduated dead center in his class from a technical high school. I've always considered English as my second language and what ever comes out of my mouth or this keyboard to be my first.<br /><br />Now I'm gonna' look up what an indirect verb is...Erie Crackheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02232433685833451986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-59293180147435707992010-07-14T06:43:43.944-04:002010-07-14T06:43:43.944-04:00Hey, CH, some particularity trite pieces of ration...Hey, CH, some particularity trite pieces of rationalization there in that last paragraph. I say that with all due respect and affection, but that's just bullshit. At least in last year's blogs you still called it "the beast"; now you have internalized it???<br />And never, ever assume cluelessness in others just because they do not appreciate your personal trip through the badlands. Some people have made the trip and came out on the other end.<br />By the way, you are a wonderful writer. Just watch the indirect verbs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-87887531194862846732010-07-13T22:13:56.530-04:002010-07-13T22:13:56.530-04:00A therapist or a shrink would have a field day wit...A therapist or a shrink would have a field day with this blog. My guess is that my indirectness at times is an effort to separate myself from the crackhead I am. Continued unconscious efforts to compartmentalize that part of my life? Maybe, as this blog is a separate part of my internet life. But it has been a valuable tool to me in many respects. It isn't written for it's entertainment value, although there may be few who occasionally get a chuckle from it's contents.<br /><br />Sometimes if you don't laugh, you cry.<br /><br />But I do think it's helped at least one person moderate their use with a goal towards abstinence. That person is me. I think that is evident to anyone who reads this from the earliest to todays posting. If anyone else gets anything from it, hopefully it is helpful to them in their struggles.<br /><br />The addiction is after awhile not considered shackles, but rather just part of one's life that is endured. A part that is neither negative or positive, but just another part of one's life. An area that one recognizes as needing to be improved upon, but nonetheless, a part of one's life. Perhaps that is also an effort to eliminate the stigma that others apply to the addictions of others but are clueless of the road they have truly traveled.Erie Crackheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02232433685833451986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-79833387706963122452010-07-13T20:49:11.737-04:002010-07-13T20:49:11.737-04:00I do not want to become amusement for your fan bas...I do not want to become amusement for your fan base - that's one of the factors that may keep me from posting all I want at any moment. OMG since when has addiction become a lifestyle? I remember the only career addict I ever met, a man who had come through WW2 with a heroin habit that kept him on the road with his handlers. He had a morphine habit during the war; and his physician wanted to cure him with heroin. It did not work out as prescribed, but at least he could afford it, barely. <br />Now I read comments from your fan who writes about his habit, different, yet not perceived as horrible shackles on his life. What gives?<br />Have things changed so much?<br />Did you notice that you use indirect language a lot when describing your actions around crack? very interesting!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08929180690436054188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-3141305548764498752010-07-13T20:04:23.244-04:002010-07-13T20:04:23.244-04:00Throw up all you want where ever you please. I...Throw up all you want where ever you please. I'm writing the blog for me and reveal it with trepidation to a few. Those who read it are invited to comment where ever they please. There is a safety mechanism in place to "moderate" comments, which I am loathe to use, but will use if someone violates my sense of anonymity. That's about the only qualifier to my moderating of comments.Erie Crackheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02232433685833451986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-5890605580007423632010-07-13T15:35:42.259-04:002010-07-13T15:35:42.259-04:00But since this is your blog, I will refrain from t...But since this is your blog, I will refrain from telling you exactly what those bits are. Otherwise this would turn into a dialogue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4971054489052345151.post-15930154506738307982010-07-13T15:32:11.129-04:002010-07-13T15:32:11.129-04:00This person would have used your very good, common...This person would have used your very good, common sense bit of advice, since this person does not invalidate good stuff coming her way just because a crack head sent it. This person is also clear headed enough to recognize good advice, which she cannot say about everybody she communicates with. I love talking about myself in the third person!<br />But I must tell you that some of the stuff I read in your blog makes me want to throw up on your shoes!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com