This blog is a risk.
When I started blogging back in October, it was a way to get things off my chest. A way to vent my frustrations over the path that I had followed. The risk in that undertaking was choosing to make the blog public. Something inside me said that was the right thing to do.
Anybody and everybody could peek into this place and see what life was like for your typical low-down crackhead. Exposing myself, regardless of how anonymously it was accomplished, frightened me then and it still does today.
There were a few online friends who knew of this blog's existence and they encouraged me to continue. In many ways I'm glad I did. It has helped me take a look at myself in a way that never has been done before. It also helped me to be honest not only with whoever reads this, but also with myself.
It should be noted that those who were first made aware of the blog and offered encouragement knew me only as a screen name. We all are contributors to a closed, private email support group that has been very helpful to me. In some respects we all are in similar situations. Fighting to be abstinent or at the very least to practice some measure of harm reduction in our use.
Somehow the idea struck that this blog might be of some use to others besides myself. Whether that is true or not remains to be seen, but time will tell. In an effort to get the blog out there a bit more I took another risk.
I told people who knew the real me about this place. People who don't smoke crack or live in the margins of society. People who have seen my struggles and have had real face to face conversations with me. People who have witnessed my bouncing around from town to town in a dismal effort to escape the drugs, the dealers and the bill collectors.
People who I really like and they seem to really like me despite all my poor qualities. People who belong to social networking sites and would recommend this blog to their friends. These people also know my real name, address, phone number. They could also pick me out of a police lineup or identify my body.
What brought on this particular post about the risks I've taken and am going to take?
I read a writer's blog posted on the local newspaper. The author of that blog Lenore Skomal has instigated some thoughts in my remaining brain cells about things worthwhile. She elicits things that are more about what and who you are than about what you write. She also offers challenges.
Like taking a risk.
I know about taking risks. Every time that pipe is hit is a risk. While nothing is being said about this being any less frightening, the risks taken here are much healthier.
Click on the title to see what I mean.