Monday, January 4, 2016

A New Year

It would be nice to say that things have changed significantly since last posting to this blog. Sadly, that really hasn't been the case.

While there is still a roof over my head, the neighborhood hasn't improved much. The cigarette mooching neighbor has been replaced by an opiate junkie. A suboxone junkie at that with a taste for crack no less.

Much like my previous neighbor, there is a lot of traffic in and out of the next door apartment. Usually late at night and well into the morning. Often the visitors are also banging on my door or doorbell, as they are desperate to get in for reasons I kind of understand.

In regards to my own bad habits, well the dudes are still running fast and loose with credit. That is cause for concern when my mind starts thinking of ways to play their systems, my system and the system. Sooner or later, the brakes will have to be applied or homelessness is a real possibility.

That's all that can be said for the moment. Part of my lack of posting has been an unwillingness on my part to be completely honest with myself. Writing here has revealed more of me than I feel comfortable with at times.

On the other hand, when I was posting regularly, my attitudes and outlooks were somewhat more stable.

We shall see how this plays out.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Well, I'm still alive...

It has been quite awhile since my last post. There may possibly have been a few who wondered where I've been all this while. As it turn out, right here and not much further.

Some may have even mistakenly believed that life was normal and sober and I have not hitting a pipe any longer. Whatever your views on that may be, that certainly has not been the case. One person did ask once, after a particularly weird remark on my part, if I had relapsed.

My reply was "No."

I felt justified in giving that answer for one reason. One must have had a period of "sobriety" or "recovery" or whatever the term one might use for not using. Having not had experienced any of those statuses, saying I had not relapsed was, for me, the truth.

Now that we have that cleared up, this is what has been happening over the past few months.

First and foremost in my mind is the fact that law enforcement has been a too frequent visitor to this building. Once in fact, knocking at my back door with a warrant. Not for me, thankfully, but a neighbor who lives in one of the front apartments. Apparently this persons entrepreneurial efforts are not approved of in Erie. I'm also guessing that a hearing was blown off, which resulted in deputies from the sheriff's office to mistakenly knock on my door.

Another incident a few days before Christmas still has me a bit more concerned.

My next door neighbor seemed to be allowing someone to use their apartment. My guess is they exchanged the use of their place to acquire a bit of rock or some other thing of value in exchange for use of the place. There are also strong suspicions on my part that the person renting the apartment was using it as their own little sales office.

The noise and traffic there were not near normal for with the tenant whose name is on the lease.

Things came to a head one fine morning. Loud knocks on the front door, with my neighbor running out the front shouting was followed by angry voices associated with police making a bust of some sort. Phrases like, "Don't move" and "Keep your hands where I can see them" are enough for anyone within earshot to pay attention.

A few days later I was told that my neighbor's temporary tenant had pointed a gun at a visitors head. Adding that to what might have happened had this fellow not complied with the cops had me pretty unsettled for awhile. Considering the thinness of the walls and the possible things that could have gone wrong, everything was resolved without any physical harm to anyone, including myself.

There was a short period of time that my buying a pistol was briefly considered. That would be a mistake for me though in so may ways.

Lastly, the dudes are running fast and loose with credit. With things happening this year, more for other people rather than myself, some tempering has to be done. Being constantly geeked and hopelessly broke financially will not allow me to enjoy some things.

And that is a fact, Jack.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

A bit of a peek into what Crackhead life is like...

I haven't been posting much lately, but this documentary needed to be seen by this blogs followers:

Watch and learn.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


Yes, there have been huge gaps between posts made in this blog.

When first started the posts were fairly frequent. Things that were happening to me and others around me provided a steady source of material to inform the world about. Things that 'normal' people never thought about in their day to day lives. Things that were also commonplace for the lost people like myself.

A few things of interest have occured since posting here...

In a past entry, Crack Kills, the guy who smacked his dealer in the head with a baseball bat was convicted. After pleading guilty to a general charge of murder, the charge ended up being first degree murder. That meant that Bobbie had to do some advance planning. For the life of me, this has me mystified, as he was at the best of times a couple of sammiches short of a picnic.

Crackheads being what they are though, this statement isn't surprising: 
" On the night of the killing, Page took a $500 payment from Quick to settle a crack cocaine debt. That all but depleted the paycheck Quick had received that day, Daneri said. He said the prosecution believes Page might have "rubbed that in," triggering Quick's admitted short temper."

It should also be mentioned that the victims family member said, on the deceased crack dealers behalf,  "He was a family man who never did anything wrong." 

Well almost never did anything wrong and Bobbie Quick will probably spend the rest of his days in prison.

Meanwhile, it is winter in Erie. Homeless overflow shelters are full. Funding and volunteers are needed to help those afflicted, often by no fault of their own, without a roof over their heads.  While one one has been found frozen to death behind a dumpster or a bus stop yet, it still is 53 days until spring.

In times like these any little thing can help.

Meanwhile, being a little more diligent in posting to this blog on my part will be a New Year resolution.

Shrugs...It could happen.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I have a dream.

"I’m homeless, and I’m an alcoholic. But I have a dream."

"What's that?"

"I want to go fishing."
Stumbled onto this pic on Tumblr. The dialog has been copy/pasted from the site as well.

Needless to say, this kicked me right in the gut. While not homeless and not alcoholic, some things have been put out of reach. Simple things that in the past have given much joy and pleasure. Many things that most of us don't give a second thought to doing, other than budgeting a bit of time.

Not to denigrate or stigmatize alcoholics, I'd rather be what I am and that...

It wanting for those types of things never hits at the right time though. The planning, even minimal thoughts as to what needs to be set aside are set aside by that beast that indeed lives inside of me. There are priorities, you know.  A friend once said that I know the consequences of my behavior and take it in stride.

While that may be true, there are times that the things that are missing hit me right in the face. The desire to enjoy a pastime so cherished in the past comes to haunt me in all sorts of different ways. To have the right equipment and licenses to enjoy this simple activity are bit beyond my reach at the moment.

To say that fishing is the only thing being set aside would be a lie. For some reason though it is one of the things that has been put away. Doing without is one thing that has been mastered. Self sacrifice for all the wrong reasons has been a way of life for awhile now

There are other appetites that need to be fed.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Not sure how to feel about this...

Many people might feel a cold tingling down their spine at the prospects this might present in their life. Some might make nothing or little about this situation. The thing is that there have been movies made and real life murders committed regarding this type of stuff.

The knowledge that there was a large life insurance policy in my name has always existed.

The policy was initially bought to cover business loans in the event of my untimely demise. The business had owned the policy. I had thought that once my presence from that business was terminated, the policy and the need for it would terminate as well.

I discovered awhile ago that the policy was still in effect.

Now, we all know that large corporations do indeed take out life insurance policies on the lives of key employees. Sometimes not so key employees, but it is a practice in our business world.  The initial idea was to cover the costs of training and possible income loss caused by the passing of a valuable member of the team.

In the cold, cold world of make money, make mo' money, that is no longer the case.

It is now the practice of many of these large corporations to continue paying on those policies. It's an investment. A small risk gambling that actuarial tables are on their side. A way to maximize the bottom line by doing nothing more than making token payments with the hopes that the person named in that policy shit the bed earlier than expected.

That's business for you...

There a little twist to this tale though. A twist that has me questioning motives and what is powering the kindness extended to me by others, well one, who has expressed deep loathing and hate for me in the past. A person who has been on one hand helpful on the other has been divisive and coldly calculating.

It appears that this person has acquired ownership of that policy.

Much water has passed under the bridge. Situations that could have put this in an all different light have disappeared long ago, along with all the cash puffed up by myself. There was a time all the financial woes and other perceived wrongs committed by me could have literally and figuratively been paid off.

I didn't do that and instead struck off in a different direction.

Part of it was mainly was the result of the feeling that remained after getting fucked in the ass with a Carborundum Condom.  Details of this are not included, but just lets say instead of getting the shitty end of the stick, all I got was the shit. The other part was being treated as much less than in a venture built from almost nothing but my hands and imagination.  Everybody knows that's exactly the way a crack head should be treated.

So I subscribed to the "Fuck me once, shame on you..."

Getting back to what has me feeling uncertain today, this past weekend, a day after my birthday no less, a balloon was floated by this person. They mentioned that they were considering selling the policy off. While the selling price is at a deep discount on the face value, it would be sufficient to get this person right financially and toddle off to a pleasant retirement.

Imagine my surprise that investment groups now have been set up that will buy these life insurance policies. Death pools, with a handsome payoff once the insured schmuck kicks the bucket.  The only thing required of me is signing off on this and allowing the investment group to peek at my medical information.

Then the statement was made, "You would probably make a fuss." I never knew a fuss could be made until they mentioned that little fact.

I had better watch my step.