Right off the get go though, that refund the bank so graciously refunded me is all puffed up.
Unexpected money that wasn't planned for doesn't get the same attention as regular funds. Regular in that those moneys are earmarked for food, rent, light, internet access and squirreled away for emergencies and other practical uses.
A bit of those reserves are diverted for recreational purposes, but that is a given. Regularly scheduled screw ups are spaced and kept to a minimum. Screw ups may be a bit strong, but that's the view through others eyes. For the moment, the Crackhead just looks at it like another buzz.
Which gets me to people.
I belong to some social networking sites and have been, well Erie Cracker there. A cartoon cutout personality that makes smart ass remarks, manages to get few people to a least laugh a little or scratch their heads. I would like to say that is a facet of who I am, but part of me has it as a compartment of me that is opened on occasion.
At times it's like Monty hall asking, "Do you want door #1, door #2 or door #3."
There are a few out there who might get that joke.
The thing is though, there have been a few who, through some way or another cut away some of that mask and have gotten a glimpse of who I am. Not the Cracker, not Erie Crackhead, but who I am. We're not talking about flowery shit or blowing smoke up my ass type of stuff either. Flattery pisses me off anyway and those bullshit artists are given short shrift.
There are some honest observations that are creepily spot in some regard on in a scary sort of way. Scary as in, if you knew me, you really wouldn't like me. Or if you get to know me and get too close, I'm gonna' chase you away. And it isn't because I don't like a people. Way too often the exact opposite is the truth.
On top of that, if not on that social site when some think I should be causes the phone to ring. Part of that makes me feel good to a degree, and another part is frightened and pressured.
But there are hazards in getting too close.
For them and me.
So, there are comforts and safety in solitude at times. And with me, my crack and I, a lack in feeling has comfort as well.
One other thing. Occasionally I check out the stats for this blog. partly to see if anyone really reads this thing. The other, and this was fascinating, to see where the readers come from. As it turns out a few different places. But one site had a post referring to the blog with the heading, "Who taught crackheads how to blog?"
So hoping to maintain this person's stereotype of crackheads, my response is, "Like all crackheads who blog, I read a book."
Erie Crackhead isn't upset by that question, but he did find it amusing. Be happy I'm blogging and not practicing medicine, like a couple of crackheads I've met.
I'm still working on articulate though...
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