Because if you don't your gonna' cry.
I don't watch a whole lot of TV. Partly because I don't have cable and reception for free TV is sketchy at times. Partly, and this is the main reason, it's a total waste of time. Even with the amount of time I have you won't often catch me vombiefied staring at the tube.
Well, unless I'm high as hell.
The other night I did catch a bit of an episode of House. There was a character in it who had some deadly almost incurable disease that had his outward expression totally reversed from what he was feeling inside. When given bad or sad news, he would grin like a freakin' idiot.
I've done that many times.
Part may well be that I'm playing poker in a sense. Not wanting to tip my hand or show my cards so that I'm not placed at some sort of disadvantage. Partly a "Keep smiling so they won't know what you're up to," type of ploy to keep people off balance. It's also another part act ignorant and people will scratch their heads and go away type of thing as well.
That part is down pat.
There are those times when acting the fool or making someone else laugh works to get me through my particular funk. It helps for awhile anyway. Getting a buzz from a little weed also helps that mood as well. It often takes the level of discourse right down to the gutter as well.
As I haven't been arrested or shot yet, it's seems to be all good.
The thing is though, not everyone smiling or laughing is truly happy and may well be depressed. At the same time there are those who are crying who really are happy as hell. Sometimes it's easy to get confused. Incongruent reactions keep people off balance.
That's my job and it appears I do it well.
Right now though the Erie Crackhead is neutral so far as happy or sad. Partly because nothing has happened good or bad to anyone I care about. For that matter there are no real issues of major concern are on the horizon either. Not having hit a pipe in four days may well be part of reason.
Four days is no cause to throw a celebratory party, but considering the crack that has been ingested over the past few weeks, this is certainly a good thing. The only person that might be upset by this fact would be my Dude. But he won't be too upset because he knows sooner or later he'll get a call.
Smug mother fucker that he is.
So for awhile it'll be a few beers, maybe a little wine and a bit of smoke. Self medication to improve my attitude and keep the rest of you wondering what is really up.
When I finally figure what is really up myself, you all will be close to the first know.
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