Sunday, August 1, 2010

Not quite out the other side.

No sense laying blame on Don.

But his being drunk with money in his pocket does fire up my crackhead thinking. It works way faster than the fastest working Cray Super Computer. I can go from a spark of an idea to a formulated plan in the time it takes to get out of my chair. When it comes to getting money for a few hits, it's incredibly frightening how it all works out. It's almost like a reflex reaction rather than a thought out process.

Sharing a few shots of that nasty vodka doesn't slow down the process in the least. As a matter of fact, it does seem to increase the speed of the particular processes in my rewired mind.

So I get $50.00 in no time at all. It's a loan, not a gift from Don. I don't want gifts, or grants or any other form of subsidized funds for my crack research. Besides, it's not a legitimate research project by anyones stretch of the imagination.

So the call is made and the crack is delivered and I close my doors. Shutting out the rest of the world while engaging in a few hours of a chemical vacation.

Things are OK this morning, as plans to do productive things to improve my life are in the cards today.

Probably tomorrow as well.

Well, that's the plan anyway.


  1. Ah, and reality is such a bitch, isn't she?

  2. Playing with fire my friend. The addict is getting to you with the shit Vodka / Mary Jane. Find a new circle of friends. Change it up man, writing this shit down after you smoke some won't help you a bit, sure your addict says sure it will, I am in a better place now, it has helped. Has it, you still smoking that shit.


  3. Reality is certainly a bitch and so is unreality.

    And "Better is Better." Small improvements are nonetheless improvements. I am happy in the overall direction this exercise is taking me at this time. This blog is a map of where I've been since returning to Erie to where I am right now. If my progress is not sufficient to some of my readers, well that's the way it goes.

    Successes as well as failures are noted for my benefit. To see what needs tweaked and what is working just fine.

  4. I agree with you about AA. 15 yrs ago, I went for a yr. or so and listening made me want to drink as the only thing in commom was we were all alcoholics. I ALSO HAD A PSYCHOLOGIST AND psychiatrist that I could have taught a few things. So now Im an elderly woman with 17 mo. sober, after dying and being brout back. HAD TO BE TRANSFUSED AND my body was so abused from alchohol, I had to make a choice and I did, I chose life, such as it is. I have more to say but I better close now. Try to have a good day.


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