Saturday, September 18, 2010

No computer

At the moment my computer is indeed in the shop.

So knowing the resources available to me, I'm back at the library. No surprise really, as this is exactly where I was located when the idea of blogging came to me. Not an original idea to be sure, but it's seems to have worked for me to some measure.

Damned - Always with the qualifiers.

The computer, with a hopeful upgrade in RAM, as well as having the hard drive scrubbed, sanitized and all that good stuff is probably going to cost $100.00. That will be $100.00 that the Dude doesn't get, and that is a measure to some of my success.

Not too very long ago, I may well have said "FUCK IT" as this would have deprived me of some crack. A small victory of sorts, but a victory nonetheless.

That laptop, in many respects has kept me sane. I has also kept me from using to a degree. Not complete abstinence, but it has helped to slow the pace. So that is indeed part of the "Better is Better" scheme of things.

As I am now at the library, there is a small benefit from the fact that the computer isn't in my house. I'm outside dammit! That may be the biggest drawback for having it all to available. But from my point a view, my apparent isolation is indeed a problem of prosperity. When I was on the edge of homeless, living in the shelter, I was a regular here.

When I come in here now, a lot of the faces have changed. I really don't have to retrain the staff, but there was a moment when I wanted to point out the rules to a library patron about the use of cell phones in the computer lab. When I gave them the "look" they looked at me like I was the crazy one here.

Shit, don't they know who I think I am?


  1. ECH-

    The library hold a very special place in my heart. This is where I found a book that has lead me to recovery. I never was a reader, hardly went to the library. Had it not been for the wife wanting to take our kids to get books to read to them, she is an avid reader, I would have never gone. Anyway, was struggling to find a book with the computer and had no clue really how to find anything from the numbers I was given, however I had a number in hand and was wandering aimlessly around trying to look like I knew what I was doing. Then I found the book that has helped me change my life. I read this book cover to cover in a week, something I have never done. I now read more than ever in my life. Filling myself with good stuff instead of the junk I used to before.

    So, anyway, good that you're out of isolation, that is where my addict wants me and I bet yours wants you. You're right, better is better. I am glad to read the repairman is getting the $100 rather than the dude. The $$ in my pocket too went to better things such as stuff with my kids, feels good.

    be well-sm2

  2. Well SM2, you've done everything but supply the name of that much sought for book. I may check it out, and it may also be helpful to someone else who reads this blog. I mean, any tool that helps needs to be shared. It might or might not help me, and it might or not help someone else. Doncha' think?

  3. ECH- sorry was not trying to keep anyone in suspense, for me the book is called Keeping Secrets. Author, lil Chrissy from Three's company; Susanne Sommers. I know it seems a bit funny, but for me that was the key to realizing I was not alone in growing up in an alcoholic family. She touched on other issues as well, such as relationship/love issues. Yet another very such issue that creates turmoil in my life. That is the book, who would have thought? Not me.

    Be well, SM2

  4. SM2
    Some people question the source. I try to look at what is being said over who is doing the talking. You never know where good, helpful information can originate from. There are a great many souls out there who have valuable lessons to share.

  5. I suppose that is one good thing about anonymity. Does not matter who you are or what you do.......the opinion and thoughts matter, it is just like the disease. It doesn't care who or what you are either. Peace



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