But it can always get worse.
Yesterday and the day before caught me with a crack pipe in my mouth. This is just another proof that excess money in my hands will disappear before it even has time to find it's way into my pocket. Or for that matter money that could be used for something besides crack.
Which brings me to a question asked by a commenter on Friday, August 27th blog entry. The anonymous commenter asked:
"Just wondering, what is the most amount of sober days have you been able to string together?"
To be completely honest, I'm not entirely certain of the correct answer. I guess as a generalization it might be correct to say about six or seven days in a row is probably my best. There may have been a time or two when a couple of weeks or more may have passed. Mostly those longer stretches were because no immediate money was at hand and no other resources to trade were available to buy any crack.
I know there have been times, while in rehab or otherwise restricted that close to 90 days had elapsed before using. It should also be noted that there were also long stretches where I used some almost every day. The thing is though, over the past 6 months or so, I have used many less days than I have used. Many less days have found me doing a hit and that is something that makes me happy.
And thankful.
Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem.
Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work.
The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with.
Harm Reduction techniques have also minimized complications that could drag me deeper down the rabbit hole. With that in mind, yes things could be much worse.
Yes, Better is Better...
SM2 says, I hear a lot of ego.
ReplyDeleteECH says "Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem.
Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand."
Those real live people, I use them too.....they are "a power greater than myself" I need them, I need the meetings. They (I) want to help and share our experience, strength and hope with others struggling with addiction. It sucks ass man, I hate being an addict, however, I am coming up on 2 months sober.....which is a amazing because as much as I wanted to "feed the beast" I made a phone call, because yes, early on I am way to impatient to pray and wait....I need a real person from the program who understand what I am going through. They help, but you know what, so does my other "HP" because he has touched their lives so that they can touch mine. The "real people" are just a link in the chain. Use them, get on your knees and stop letting the ego say it won't work. I am sure you know the acronym for EGO......anyway.....it take practice, I can tell from your writings you are not one of the mentally ill that the BB talks about. Any wya, sorry for mispells, I am not using a checker.....I have made a decision to get sober from my addiction, you know that is not enough....I have had to ask others for help to be accountable....no more extra money in my hands either. It will lead me down a path I can not tolerate. Our addict wants us dead, period. Keep thinking you have control and you will certainly lose it.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though your better than he is.
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
Still watching and worrying. Be better to yourself.
ReplyDeleteWell, generally that's the advice I give to others, "Be good to yourself today!"
ReplyDeleteRegardless, thanks!
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
Frustrated, I have tried to post 10 times and it will not go
ReplyDeleteSM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
Sm2
SM2 said-
ReplyDeleteI find myself doing just enough to get by.....I realize that isn't enough.
OK...
ReplyDeleteSM2, I guess I'm missing something here, can you expand on that?
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
SM2 says...
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write. I am too familiar with this poison as well.
"Because in many respects I would like to take sole credit for those straight days, but I had help. Did I fall down on my knees and ask God to remove this obsession? Naw, besides God did not put a crack pipe in my hand the first time I took a hit, so why ask Him to take it away? It's not His fault or problem."
No, God did not put it in your hand, however he wants to take it away. Surely you want to take credit, I do too for staying sober for almost 2 months now. I thought boy I do not need these meeting or to make all these phone calls.
"Besides, I went down that road before, and faith healing don't work."
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it cause your worth it, thy will not mine be done.
All slogans I know, however they help me. I know, you're glad they help me and thanks. However as you also said.....
"The successes I have gained have been from the help of real breathing live people, who for whatever reason have decided to lend a hand. It has also been due to the help of people who have corresponded with me through email lists and social networks that the Erie Crackhead has gotten involved with."
I desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you choose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or.....shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I know you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by not making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting it that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addicts likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negatives. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this Blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help are you going to be DEAD, because that is exactly where ECH addict wants you. You want to help, make a change.....this HARM reduction.....I am sure is well and good and sure progress is wonderful but is it where you want to be. Every couple days getting high or would you like to be clean and sober living the life you really want to be. Misery awaits you, however there is a hand asking you to make a change. Your ego wants you to believe your doing good enough.
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
I just tried to repost, looks like it went through?!?!
ReplyDeleteSM2
Gosh, it still did not.....
ReplyDeleteECH, I see a lot of ego in some of the things you write on this blog. I too am familiar with this poison as well. No, God did not put the crakcpipe in your hand, nor did he put the people I have used in my life for my addiction. However, God certainly wants to relieve you of the addction and take the power it has over you away. I certainly want to at times take credit for being sober for almost 2 months now. I thought to myself, boy I am doing really good, who needs program, meetings or to make phone calls......there is EGO (Edging God out)
It works if you work it and it won't if you don't, so work it because you're worth it, they will not mine be done. I know those darn slogans......but they help, I know you're happy they help me, however I know if you take action they will for you too.
I too desperately need these "real breathing live people" on the end of a phone or at a meeting. The reason they or (I) want to help is because we are simply a link in the chain to other higher powers, whichever you chose to believe in. People, literature, meetings or......oh my shall I say GOD.
I have made a decision to become sober, as I believe you want to as well. However, thinking we can do it alone or by NOT making changes to ourselves or surroundings is not really wanting sobriety that much. I have had to become / make myself more accountable, no more free money in my hand or my addict calls to me. No more hanging out with people of where my addict likes to be. Filling my mind with positives instead of negative. Taking ACTION Jackson. I know you are doing this blog to help others.....wonderful of you, how much help do you think you will be DEAD? That is exactly where our addcits want us. You want to help, make a change....this HARM reduction....I am sure is very well and good and sure progress is wonderful but it that enough? Is this really how you want to live? Every couple days getting high or would you like to live clean and sober forever. Misery awaits us addicts who think we can do it alone. I have tried to quit for years. Until now....are we (my HP and I) able to be sober. Your ego wants you to believe you are "doing good enough"
Peace be with you and god bless, even though you think you do not need it.
SM2
I realized something, you are not simply keeping this blog to help others.....I know that if it does....that is a bonus, I get you are doing this for you. Sorry about that..
ReplyDeleteSM2
Hmmm...It's taking me a few tries to post this.
ReplyDeleteSM2 said:
"I realized something, you are not simply keeping this blog to help others.....I know that if it does....that is a bonus, I get you are doing this for you. Sorry about that.."
You get this then. Good.
I don't want to get into what works for you. If you're successful following that path, great. But I've been that way before and it wasn't helpful to me. But one should remember that when someone get sick, there are usually a myriad of medicines to choose for relief. Why shouldn't the same apply to addiction problems?
And again, this blog is helping me. If someone else benefits, that is indeed a bonus. But the thing is this is my struggle. Since starting this blog, things have indeed improved. Am I completely "clean & sober?" Not by anyone's stretch of the imagination, and it may be sometime before that happens, but it'll be to my standard, and not by marching to someone else's tune.
Thanks for reading the blog and thank you for your comments.
But one should remember that when someone get sick, there are usually a myriad of medicines to choose for relief. Why shouldn't the same apply to addiction problems?
ReplyDeleteSure, I suppose that is one one of rationalizing it.
Am I completely "clean & sober?" Not by anyone's stretch of the imagination, and it may be sometime before that happens, but it'll be to my standard, and not by marching to someone else's tune.
You know what that last statment sounds like???
SM2 said
you're right, I am wrong...no argument.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt is important for those seeking help get medical advice from professionals and for the person seeking help get a good diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteFor me, i feel better not substituting one addiction for another. I haven't given "my will and life" over to the world of supernatural nor to a smattering of wEirDLy self-involved "controllers" who may more may not be what they say they are. Spiritual malady approach suggests to me lack of spiritual knowledge and lack of modern medical knowledge and a over-reliance on long dead men and their own lack of understanding the above. For instance, prayer and workin it should have kept Bill W. from smoking himself to death and from adultery.
Like you EC i am responsible for less or more skillful choices and behaviors and thoughts and emotions. I allow professional people with scientific approaches to help give me the best proven odds to make good choices today. At least they seem to help more than coffee addicts and malingerers. It seems to me ego develops a deity which one can identify and "blame" or "credit" and to this extent, for good and bad, ego dwells in ignorance and intolerance and will always see the differences betwix divinity and human experience. My preference, EC, karma she cares not one way or the other - she simply is. She leaves us to be compassionate and generous and exhibit other aspects of our true nature for happiness of us and others.
Besides DOGMA's CAN SUCK IT!
:-P
A question for Anonymous on the 27th...
ReplyDeleteWhat's the number of days you have been able to string together without being selfish? This would include using the "i, me, mine-type" statements.
It may be the same question? One goes ones whole life without ever using a drug yet may not be the person one would want to be around without having a drink.
Way to go Erie Crackhead. I love this blog. It comes from that deep place of honesty and sincerity that shows you still live a life of integrity while using. I love that you can show how much harm reduction techniques can help. I am sorry to see some ppl here try to force their recovery beliefs on you. But we all know that ppl who believe in the disease model are usually very pushy and overbearing.
ReplyDeleteWell done for one of the best blogs I have ever read on addiction!
Kind regards
~angelique~
Angel,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for that!
sm2 says-
ReplyDeleteKC & Angelique........you're correct, I certainly have control issues and am over zealous when I see something that is working for me. However, from what I read on HARM which I admit is very little, seems to allow a bit of the addict to stay in us and feed them here and there just enough to keep us OK. I for one want my addict dead and stomped away forever. I know there will always be that part of me though. Just my .02 cents. Maybe I don't get it and apparently you guys do. Is there any way I can have you as my sponsor?
I for one want my addict dead and stomped away forever. I know there will always be that part of me though.
ReplyDeleteHey, sm2,
that is good insight. I will tell you that you don't "kill it and stomp it away forever."
You live with it and analyze it; and then you decide that you want something else more. It better be something big and desirable and fitting for you, because the holes you leave in your psyche when you quit need to be filled with something. And it had better be good.
Take care.
What works for you works for you. If I never went that route, agreeing with you might be easier, but 12-step malarkey is just that for me.
ReplyDelete12 step malarkey.
Did I go to meetings for 30 days to try it out? Nope. Did I go for 90 in 90 and all that other mumbo jumbo? Hell, I sat in those rooms for over 10 years on an almost daily basis.
I had sponsors who tried to control every aspect of my life, even insinuating themselves on my family life. I've been approached to buy drugs outside of some of those meetings.
I have had people who were working a "program" steal from me. I guess having something they wanted was my part and fault for those thefts.
I have written oh so many 4th steps and shared those with sponsors who then made idle gossip about the contents of that information. I've also met a lot more people who have ended up dead by their own hands than I have outside of those meetings. I guess it's OK though, they died sober.
I also have met people who had quit going to meetings and died of natural causes, but in the rooms everyone was told that they died from alcoholism.
Please don't tell me that "I didn't get it," or I wasn't rigorously honest or any number of other things I've heard or even said myself because I know...To me it's all bullshit.
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ReplyDeleteSorry, I appreciate you asking for help though Anon. I haven't the need to control. I have been to professionals that's ALWAYS a good route to evolve past XA's. i looked at Bi-Polar, because as you see in yourself and state, OVER ZEALOUS, is a form of mania. I am not at all qualified. i do much better realizing these three separate components. Emotions, thoughts and behavior. I used scales to see where i am at 0-10 depression-mania, 0-10 anxiety, and 0-10 anger.
ReplyDeleteHere's what's working for me so far this week LOL-Anon you says your doing good so this is for a person who is not doing so good=
Research tends to show if one has used recreational drugs (alcohol is a DRUG AA's) it changes your brain physically and chemically, therefore the three components above. Research (SCIENCE) also shows, the brain may NEVER be NORMAL AGAIN. NEVER as in EVER. So if this is worst case scenario what is one's responsibility??? Go sit in mtgs and do all 2 step malarky and ONLY THAT? Work steps to somehow magically change your brain (faith-healing also known as LAZINESS) or does one get good medical advice and attention and address the biological problem of thinking (BRAIN) as best as you are able - i saw this problem in the rooms and it is SEVERE. they are barely functional in interpersonal relations. Sometimes they have high degrees of function in all other areas, but one wouldn't "NEED A MTG" if one addressed all the areas affected by these basic biological issues, Just my 2 pennies.
In other words get off your ass, get off your your knees (if you believe in god he had some scientist do the research for you), there is a lot of work to do-find meds which the doctors will help you with (this is hard), find 2010 (not 1939 shiite) mental health behavior modification tools (this is hard) and get out there and do it in the real world (this is hard). Just because some musty grumpy old timers says your doing good...just maybe he ain't real qualified as a medical professional. Maybe he ain't what he says he is maybe he eats a bullet tomorrow or drinks. But good doctors/mental health centers are hard to find and i'd focus on only the mania or depression and say nothing of any drug it's easier to take care of that way.
I have recently left the HAMS (not harm, btw) group because really there is choice. The lie i kept living because of the stupid XA religion is "i can't have just one." IMO, is the basis for the whole program and making a person an stepper (a religion - not even Christian really). Tthe TRUTH- I can/have/had just one-didn't like really, wanted to kill to get more, but the TRUTH is i chose to not kill to get another. So, i think that's why folks like y'all stop in here and really read sometimes. because as a living feeling being we inherently "know" the truth. And XA's are all based in lies, like above..XA is NOT therapy, it is not treatment, IMO is a religion (like $cientology) - it is a small (unnecessary?) component in a comprehensive recovery process. And one must evolve into one's own reality (not Bill W's AA's fourh dimension) and not control and infringe on others this is the most skilfull. Choice and making the mind still and free and seeing how spacious and delusion free we can be?@! Or maybe we should all go into XA and pretend a power greater than ourselves wants us to "serve" her every whim =/ (this 12 step stuff easy in comparison)
To those who have posted comments here that have gone POOF! It seems as though some sort of automated spam catcher was overzealous in it's function. I've just now discovered that particular flaw and have corrected the problem. TThe only problem with that is several comments have been posted several times. Well some comments di warrant reading over a few times, I guess. :-)
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