As each day passes it seems I know less and less. I try to understand some things about me and others for a matter of fact, but things are no clearer to me than they were in the past.
I know part of the problem is my continual tinkering with my "wiring." It's part of the deal with us crack heads. Just when we get a grip on things, everything turns around. And while nothing is static or lasts forever, there should be some constants.
But nothing is guaranteed.
There are no sure bets.
There aren't any easy answers.
Nothing is cast in stone.
The thing that I've found is that if help is asked for, it's usually there in some form. People seem to give a shit, even if I don't. And being someone who is a survivor in many regards, there is something wrong with my way of thinking about myself.
Part of that admittedly faulty thinking is fear. Fear is a root of many of the wrong things that are part of me. At the same time I sit here saying I have nothing to fear.
Let's just say "Unreasonable Fears R Me!"
One thing is very clear to me. When asked for, help is usually there. Sometimes it comes from unexpected sources. While I'm not exactly certain why, it has always surprised me. Often it comes from people who are in similar situations as mine. The helpless helping the hopeless. In many ways it seems to work as well. In a way, it also seems to make perfect sense.
With that said, I do manage to get by with a little help from my friends.
Click the title, it says it all.
Severe Addiction Linked to Vivid Dreams in Withdrawal
-
Relapse dreams during recovery: What do they mean?
Science News features a fascinating look at the topic:
Click HERE
5 years ago
Not sure how I stumbled on this. Actually I do know. Basically I had to spend all day today demolishing the insides of my Uncle's home. He spent two weeks in the hospital due to a health issue. He came home and it turned out that two family members (twin sister cousins of mine) broke in while he was gone. I've rehabbed a lot of places over the years, but I have never seen a home turned into a fucked up meth house in 14 days. Basically ever window was broken, two toilets smashed, and they ripped out piping and wiring without even bother to turn them off. How the two meth heads didn't get electrocuted, I will never know. My uncle, still nearly bedridden from a heart attack basically has over $100k worth of damage.Thanks to the flooding destroying the dry wall and floors throughout the home, there is actually less in the home that I can save than I have to chuck. I googled "cracked up family" after I got home for shits and giggles. I now realize I have spent close to 5 hours reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is some tight shit. I like your literary style and your downright frank honesty. I struggle with alcohol in the military and always got stuck dealing with AA jackholes trying to turn me into a fucking evangelical rather than helping me. Ended up on the street for a little bit (few days short of a month) after I got out of the military due to booze.
I ain't trying to give no advice because honestly, I don't really understand why I'm not still a drunk. No bullshit, one day it clicked in my head. I'm 31 now, in college for an engineering degree and somehow not only don't get plastered daily, I don't run from booze in social situations as if people around me drinking is going to send me off. If I knew it, I would gladly tell you.
This blog is just fucking brilliant. Still, I hope my meth teethed cousins don't see the light of day for a long fucking time...
help is always there .. sometimes, it's whether or not we want it that it comes down to.
ReplyDeletetruth is, most of us don't want help
it does have to just come from within.
we have to be ready to change.
ready to do the hard ugly work to get back to where we need to be .. or at least a better place.
rome wasn't built in a day and unrealistic expectations only set a person up for failure.
my .02