And I'm not certain that is because there was nothing to say, as much has happened. On the other hand things have remained the same. Probably other outlets for my feelings and other crap going on have taken over in that regard.
It should be noted that when I started this blog, there was virtually no one to share what was going on. Most people didn't want to associate with a crackhead. Stereotypes, stigmas and the bad reputation many who hit a rock as often as I did and do tend to keep people at a distance.
In some cases, hundreds of miles distant.
Thankfully that is not really the case anymore.
Many people have accepted me for who and what I am and judge me more on what I do. That is in contrast with what many may think I do in and because of my bad habit. Many bad habits is probably more accurate.
Not to be snooty, but show me someone who says they don't have any bad habits, and my guess is that they are lying. And there is no judgement in that, it just seems to be the way things are for all of us.
I think.
The other part of why there hasn't been an entry here in some time though may speak with my hiding from myself the lack of progress in a way. This of course is the fact that I still see the Dude (or Dudes) on a fairly regular basis.
As time has passed more people have discovered who I am. Some by my design and some though circumstance. It did become uncomfortable to talk with some people about this all. Another part of the compartmentalization that comes with keeping secrets.
Trust also has played a role in this all. I really don't think waving a flag about this all would be good idea though.
Recording this in the past has been a record of what was going on or what I may have been going through. That really needs to be maintained for the future. In many respects this is still a safe place to put this information. For me and others who might be in my shoes or know someone who is here as well.
The thing is that not talking about what I have or haven't been doing isn't exactly hiding anything from anyone except for one person.
Me.
Severe Addiction Linked to Vivid Dreams in Withdrawal
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Relapse dreams during recovery: What do they mean?
Science News features a fascinating look at the topic:
Click HERE
5 years ago
We all are addicts, I've never heard truer words... We all are, and most of us are in denial every day.
ReplyDeleteAre you hiding or have you found other venues? Have other people treated you different once they have found you out?
I at least am willing to read on your progress or lack of, when you decide to come out of hiding, or when you are ready to share the new world you are living in.
Denial...I hate that word, but at times it does seem to fit. So far as hiding, yes in plain sight. And the "venues" are interactions with a few people who know me and I trust. Trust is a huge.
DeleteCertainly some opinions of me may have changed when some folks were informed of my "recreational" activities.
Concerns about causes that might be hurt because of my involvement still chews at me. So I try to work in the background and let people know why that is best for them and myself.
Oh, I'm so happy to see your new post! I've missed you so much! *phew*
ReplyDeleteThank you for checking in with us.
I was concerned about you and if we'd stay in touch or not. Not would really suck, especially since I just came back from the biggest train wreck of my life. As you probably know, all hell broke loose...
Then, I'm offline for a bit, which sucked ass. Only to come back and *YOU* aren't anywhere! I was afraid I'd lost ya. I'm glad that is not the case!
Erie, one of the major differences in my life today (and one I hope to get across to my readers)is that I no longer defend, discuss or make what I do, in my own time, <*ahem*> anyone's business, but mine.
The magic in that is how many new and interesting conversations/experiences I get to have, since I'm not bogged down by the same bullshit lies & Dogma.
It's good to see you here, too. Keep spreading the news, brother! You are an integral part of what needs to happen. :D
I loved this post.
I love you.
Please, please, keep on writing.
Oh, and about the whole not writing = hiding from yourself, I think you are wrong. There is no place to hide OUTSIDE of writing...
Not writing only makes it worse. At least, this is my experience.
xoxo
GGR
Not writing may have indeed made things worse. But we are working on that...
DeleteThank you, Go-Go.
I am glad to see you writing again. You write well.
ReplyDeleteB-b-but... crack heads are totally non-functional gibbering loons who lay about in cat faeces? How come you have a blog and stuff??
ReplyDeleteLol - it's good to see someone coming clean. There are a lot more hard drug users who can still hold a high paid career etc than most realise. I'm enjoying reading your blogs!
This blog has been posted to, in dribs and drabs for almost 3 years now. It was partly started to give people a picture of what life was like for your typical crackhead. Part of the reason for the blog was also to give me a picture of where I have been and to be some measure of any progress that may had been made.
Delete