Henry Miller wrote...

"I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive."

That was in his book, "Tropic of Cancer."

Money, as I have said many times in the past has been a trigger, so to speak, that fed a fire that seems to be there most all of the time. There have been times where the Dude might front me a bit here and a bit there. And while trying to fight off the urge to not take advantage of those offers, I cave in to them. It's part of the deal, you know...

Show me an addict who hasn't and I'll show you a bullshit artist.

This is what is going on right now. One Dude who fronts me isn't calling at all. An attempt to reach him on a few occasions left me thinking that his phone has been shut off. And again, that usually means his was stolen, he's out of town or he's in jail.

Considering past history with this one, my money is on his being in jail.

I did get a call from another Dude who occasionally does a front. He wanted to know if I would allow someone to sit in my place for awhile. Initially I said yes, aided by the fact that he would throw me off something for that favor.

After a few minutes I called him back. That wasn't going to work for me that night.

The reason was I am loath to have people in here and even more so to have strangers in my home. Add to that is there is no way I want this place to turn into a crack house. Been down that road before and it isn't a pretty picture.

I also suspected that some fool was going to rent their car to this kid. That usually means that when they say they be back by 10:00 PM chances are they won't show until 3:00 AM. There is also the risk that they may not show back up at all.

I've seen that shit happen more than once.

Hell, I've had it happen to me.

So passing on that offer, while making me a bit queasy in the short term, has given me a reason to breathe a bit easier. I don't run a damned baby sitting service. I also hope the fool that may have rented his car out got it back, if not one time, in one piece.

Another Dude I know doesn't do credit and that's more than alright by me.

But the simple fact of the matter is while I really want to get fucking high, it probably isn't going to happen for awhile. And money day is still a little ways away. If I'm quick I might even be able to get some squirreled away out of reach.

So for the moment, with no money, no resources and no hopes, I am the happiest man alive.

But I still want to get fucking high.