Friday, June 25, 2010

An interesting, not so interesting week.

Yep, money came this week and so did the crack.

While not as much as in the past, a good deal more was spent than I really wanted to spend on the stuff. As is usual for around here, the crack was crap as well. Too much cut, too little after recooking and I'm still sitting here wondering why I bother.

If I really had that question answered, I might not find it necessary to write here at all.

But, things were taken care of that needed to be handled. Internet connections were made more reliable, and with that is another small financial obligation has been made. A few tools were purchased to replace things lost, stolen or just plain given away.

Now I have to find something to fix or put together...

The Medical Marijuana experiment continues. While part of my reasoning behind using weed is to see if it has any beneficial effects on my chronic pain issues, the other part is kind of a substitution ploy. You know, get too stoned to call, go out for money or even think about hitting some crack.

On both counts, there seems to be some benefit.

On the other side of the coin is that energy levels seems to be down. Some interests seem to be diminishing and initiative is lowered as well. Doing things inside or out seem to be not as important as before. While high some thought processes are a little skewed as well. In a way, smoking weed has me thinking like a damned conspiracy theorist or trying to make 2+2=5,853.

Did those who developed the "new math" been smokin' Mother Nature?

So, for a little bit, taking a break from everything is in the cards.


  1. I have been reading through your blog from the beginning and I guess some questions came to mind.

    Is this what you want to do or do you think that it's all your capable of?

    Do you have dreams other than where to get your next hit?

    I have read that you have tried everything,(to recover) so does that mean that you are now apathetic and hopeless to your situation?

    Do you ever wish that you could get out of this situation?

    It's just that I see that your obviously educated, loved by family (but they have detached for love of themselves), have the ability to get to the library and have internet access and blog, can work your ass off and have determination and patience to get into a shelter and some food, have clarity from time to time, so I can't help but wonder, what are your plans? What are you doing?

    Do you really believe that you can't overcome this or is that you just don't want to?

    It seems like you have some consistency and wits about you, which isn't "normal" crackhead behavior, so I can't help but wonder.

  2. Are you sure it isn't normal crackhead behavior? Do you know a lot of crackheads?

  3. Jessica -

    That comment instigated a post in reply all of it's own a bit later. The comment was and still is a source of self examination for me, even though the stigmatizing bend to it still pisses me off a bit.



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