Monday, February 21, 2011

A Circus or a Sideshow

Effective March 1, 2011 this blog will be taken off line.

It has become apparent to me that it may be in some ways causing more harm than good. There are issues of guilt by association regarding some people who know or knew me being affected by what I pour out on this.

My original intention was to write about what life was for a crackhead who also happened to live in Erie, PA. In some respects I feel I have painted a picture that sufficiently lets the world know what a miserable condition this is to endure.

I also wrote it as a guidepost for myself in what progress I've made toward abstinence. In all honesty, I haven't done too well in that regard. I also have to re-examine my "Harm Reduction Plan." In some cases that may well be in need of serious tightening up. In particular to harm I may have done to others.

I also fear that too many people are aware of who I am and some other characters, while unnamed are also known by some. Hurting people was not my intent. I fear I may have done just that...

I will continue writing, but it will not be available to the general public. I really need to find out what my real goals are if any and how I might attain those goals.

I just feel that there are too many who are reading for entertainment value or trying to live or relive a junkie life vicariously through this blog.

That's fucked up.

Until March 1st, those who have a real interest, for what ever reason are welcome to get what they need. After that it may be opened to those who have a sincere interest in what this is all about. Maybe it will help someone. I had thought was the case at one time and now I am no longer sure of that fact.

This is no soap opera either...


  1. actually, your blog is accurately depicting the reality of being a crackhead with concern for the well being of others, and I'm pretty sure that's rare.

  2. The thing is when someone shows to much concern or is too solicitous to my situation, I run. Or be too nice and I will fuck you up. Figuratively speaking, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. I am certain I'm not the only crackhead with that attitude.

  3. ...and if you knew anything about the junkie life, you would be joining me in a hearty laughter right about now! Please, Dude. Why wait until March 1? Do it now! I can hardly hold back from slamming that needle into my body!
    Good grief.

  4. To a point you're right. I never did enough junk to get dope sick, I have enough going on without adding that to the list. I also thought it was so much work, watching them digging around for a good vein. Sitting in a chair watching television nodding in and out while a cigarette burns my fingers is boring. I much rather sit in my kitchen waiting for the IBI to come crashing through my ceiling. The parallels between a heroin addict's and a crackhead's life style are many. Part of the seduction is the lifestyle and the people who populate that world and many of the behaviors that accompany it all.
    I also am tired of comments from people who think they know it all. While at times I have and do think I do indeed know it all, I'm happy in truly knowing that I do know little and have a lot a to learn. Try that point of view out for awhile, you might find it refreshing.
    One other thing. Private exchanges that we've and the way you romanticize the shit leads me to believe that if a bag of dope, a spike, and a spoon were in front of you, you'd do it in a heart beat.
    Yes, good grief...


This blog is now reopened to comments.