I had been doing way too much "medicine." As in, let's see how much I really can take. Happily, as I live on a fixed income and have spent most of my money on evil crack, it doesn't take too much to get really fucked up.
It's that stream of consciousness crap that often happens to those who partake. I wasn't going to do anything with it beyond save it in an email file. But since this blog is coming to an end, I thought I would share it with anyone interested.
Those who have had conversations with me while I or we were stoned already know how I am under the influence of cannabis. By and large an insufferable smart ass. For the most part it's just stupid fun. But I was indeed having a conversation with myself. Part of writing it in the first place was too see what it looked like the following day. Now I know why I took so long to look at that note to myself.
Silly insanity, totally unedited spew follows with apologies to Betty White and Sam Kinison, where ever you are:
Now...this is fucked up, but..
Am I or have I been just a crazy loon lost in his own world. Wondering whether the rest of the world cared, or if he even did himself. (This warrants serious editing tomorrow).
Some say crazy, ohters say lost.
I prefer lost, but who knows?
Some say...and I'm not quite sure of what all is said, but ...(I've gotten lost in my own minds mirages)
And all this because of a few hits of "medicine." Is it? Yes, in a way it is, like soma in "A Brave New World." Yes, as in it will make the lives of many with ailments traditional treatments have been useless. And all of this does indeed have it's pros and cons, the results either way, frighten me.
Good thing I'm not sending this anywhere public. I have done so in error in the past, and that makes me uncomfortable to know that there are those who recognize that I do lose inhibition on occasion.
Will this make any sense to anyone, especially me tomorrow? I guess we'll find out.
Should I continue to ramble or just call it quits right here.? (Fruedian slip...or just me fuckin' with me?)
Saving this bullshit for the future might be a waste, it might aslo be a shame it it were not saved.
Yep...The whole world is crazy, except for you and for me, but sometimes I'm not to sure about you. Who owns that quote?
Some say that I'm crazy. There are those who say that I'm just lost.
I'm going with lost. I hope...
So, where did that come from? I must have seen it someplace. Wondering around, trying to find myself, becuase, yep I was lost.
Or is this just me doing a mental "Beer Barre Polka" with whoever stumbles into this place.
If I have offended anyone, tough shit. You knew what I was like when you invited me into your fucking computers! I was in one of those moods like the comedian who wore the beret...long hair. I'll look that up tomorrow AM)
This may be edited later, when I'm not so fugged up, to increase impact on bullshit I deem in need of more impactiveness, and to softener shit that may put me in a poor light. (You ain't got balls sonny if you don't post that with everything else above it...Do ya'?)
I wonder what you'll think about all this horse shit in the morning. And fuck, wouldn't you know. I editing while i'm writing this and trying to say it won't be edited in the mornig beyond the editing that might be allowed somewhere above where you're reading this.) Some how this all sounds oh so fucked up. No more editing..tonight anyway. yeah right. Maybe.
I'm not sure if another toke is in order as things are starting to fall into place. Like what am I doing writing this nonsense and waiting to see what come out the other side in the morning. Part is to see if any of this makes sense when read in a different light. Part of me is still on the lost or thing.
Would it be correct to think that there is a baby boomer equivialnt of Sex and the City. Comprised of widows, spinsters, divorcees and mothers. Wait, I'm sorry. they sort of did that in the past. Golden Girl's. And yes, Betty is still hot. She so sweet...
OK...the buzz is wearing off. It's time to send this. Where it goes is where it is you got your balls.
I'm gonna' do a toke after I hit send..So fuck you all.