Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Snap, crackle and POP!

Some things are better left alone. Some things are better left in the past. Some things are best if stayed away from them entirely. Then the world is a much better place for everyone.

Trust me on that fact.

I have lived in this place for a bit over a year now. I've had a chance to meet some people I am OK with, some people I like and others I don't care for at all. All of them have to one degree or another brought out qualities in me that in part are good and other things that disturb me to no end.

Last summer and into the fall I was corresponding with someone who irritates me to no end. I no longer exchange emails with them because they were encouraging me to get out, go to the bars, to meet people, find a lover, to mix with society to some degree. I knew that shit was poison to me then and I even am more convinced of that fact now.

But a seed was planted and I thought it might be nice to test the waters.

Big mistake.

I was happy with people at an arms length. I would show you just enough to draw you in and then put up my wall. Being oh so charming, but a manipulative bastard is my craft and trade. Switches are flipped and buttons pushed without my even being aware of it myself. I would take what was needed from you and then shut you out before shit got out of hand.

It's starting to get out of hand. Well, for me anyways.

I have also engineered, participated in and had front row seats to some spectacular train wrecks. My own and those of others, again with some folks that I've liked and those I could give a rats ass about. The casualties and collateral damage at times have been devastating.

I don't want to see the one that's rolling down the tracks right now.


  1. ...manipulative bastard... how sweet! Nobody can blame you for a lack of self awareness, EC. Well, keep us updated on the casualties, the mangled lives and relationships. We thrive on that!

  2. You're sweet. I love you too.

    Gimme a friggin' break. I'm trying to do good and even fear that attempt may be manipulative.

    BTW, I never did thank you for the books.

  3. I know they are in good hands! You are welcome.


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