Definition of HYPOCRITE
1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
Definition #2 will work just dandy for my purposes, as those who know me are also aware of a dynamic lack of virtue or religiosity on my part. But, boy am I a big time advocate for everyone in this world to not hit a rock.
For you, not me of course.
That's where the hypocrisy is for me. I'm big on that "Do as I say and not as I do" philosophy. For the life of me though, I can't understand why anyone would want to follow the same path as I have. Where I started in this and the people I knew from the past would rightfully want to avoid me at all costs.
Well, most people, as there are a few who are OK in accepting me for what I am.
I live in fairly Spartan conditions. No luxury suite by any stretch of the imagination. A few missteps from being on the streets without a home. Some safety nets have been installed, but those are my design. A mousetrap designed by a mouse is certainly going to have an escape hatch.
Witnessing my meltdowns, blow ups and freak outs online and in real life should also be enough to make someone say, that's fucked up. And it is largely from twenty years of screwing with my mental wiring that has caused me to certainly be irrational at times.
I read an article somewhere that ones inhibitions and morality could be altered by application of magnets to certain areas of the brain. I've been ingesting a chemical that has indeed placed magnets around my moral compass. In that regard, I go with what feels good and not necessarily what is the right thing to do in some situations.
While there are those who say, "What the hell, life is short and have fun," the thing is some of that fun sucks others in and may hurt innocents.
For the life of me, I can't understand why anyone who has read this blog, knows me personally and the conditions that I live or know what has been lost on every level would want to say, "I want to be just like Erie Crackhead when I grow up."
I do my damnedest to have a safe place for a few people. No one has been shot, stabbed, beaten or raped while in my company. Well, not beaten from a drug deal gone bad in a long time anyway. I also don't want any of the above to happen to myself as well.
I say that I'm "Mostly Harmless" and have been refereed to as a "Minor Threat." We all know that is bullshit now, as the harm is certainly not physical, but there are other risks that leave huge scars that don't show up for perhaps for years. Some of those scars may someday show up on those who have never set foot in my place.
So for now I'm a hypocrite, but I'll live with that for the moment.