Then again, it may be me.

Getting weird, I mean.

It is probably wrong to blame all of my thinking on the rewiring my brain is experiencing. It may be my occasional loneliness. It may be my smooth words with strangers that are encountered on the different social networks to which I belong.

But what bothers me is my lack of... I am not sure of what, but  freezing up when I do encounter a real living breathing person makes me feel weird and foolish. with everything considered of course, my age and condition do mot make for great relationship stuff. Physically I have limitations in certain areas.

We were having a conversation about when and where to do acid. One of the group thought we should be in tents, in the woods. I kind of thought, well I guess calling when they are peaking from the comfort of not the tent would have allowed me tp live a bit vicariously.

But the problem of getting me there was resolved.
\
I will have to admit that sex might not be as intense or a pleasurable with me. On the other hand, I of the school all sex is good sex, might get the fuck of his life. Well, that is a high bar, but to have a session of emotionally involved love making is something that has been lacking for me for a very long time. I do crave something beyond good technique and mechanics. The GFE from a top shelf hooker can't equal that experience.

Of course that is the stuff of ackward breakups in some cases.

And this is why I am talking about this on the is blog. I f any of you have read the entire blog, you are aware of the fact that being alone for the most part has been my life. There have been no major complaints on my part for the most part. I don't get tangled up in this sort of thing too often. And it may have happened at some point awhile ago, that has not been as stressful to me as the brief encounters I have experienced in recent history.

The have been other instances where I have had contact with the opposite sex. But those have been ..tranactional. Hey, I'm old and ugly, but I am fun to be with. I just wish I were more than just fun. But when you get right down to it, there couldn't possibly be a better way to check out.

Hey, I've been doing this in one form or another for ..shit over 30 years and I am still alive. A point I proudly make whenever some sweet young thing looks at me with a certain amount of revulsion. The is this and really not much more.

I ain't dead yet.